Naruto Therapy Sessions
by dreamwave27
Summary: The poor, poor Naruto characters all need a time to confess themselves. But...we get a little bit distracted in the process. Join me, Tay, as I have a SCREWED UP THERAPY SESSION with just about every Naruto character! Chapter 9: itachi and kisame again!
1. UCHIHA BROTHERS!

I be back yet again. ARGH, MATEY! SHIVER ME TIMBERS, FIRE ON THE POOP DECK! Ha. I'm a pirate... I need to change my outfit... Dangit. Does anyone know how to make one of those paper pirate hats? And I want a parrot that repeats whatever I say and then says BAAAAAAAWWWWWWKK! 

Rawr. Smite thee evil dragon.

Oh, I decided to do one of those "Mock Anime Interviews"...except it's not much of an "interview", more of a "therapy session"...not entering it anywhere, but I just did it for fun. It's kinda based on my therapy sessions, except we have fun at my therapy.

WARNING: I'm a yaoi fangirl, thus there is a yaoi pairing in there. Don't like it? Tough.

ON WITH THE DRABBLE! XD

* * *

Tay: Hello, Sasuke, Itachi. Let's get started with our...wait, hold on a second. I need to get some snacks. Just...socialize er whatever until I get back, okay? (walks out of room)

Sasuke: (slams fists on table) Why do you need snacks! This is an interview, not a tea party!

Tay: Well maybe it IS a tea party, Sasuke! Hmph. (shrugs) I could always change my mind and make you wear my sister's Sunday School dress...(smirk)

Itachi: ...Hahahaha.

Tay: And Itachi can have MY Sunday School dress.

Sasuke: Ha, douche bag. (points finger)

Itachi: (glares)

Tay: Okay, okay, just settle down and let me get my chips...(grabs bag of chips from behind couch) Now, lets get started for real this time. Do either of you have a pen?

Itachi: I always keep a spare. (gives pen)

Tay: Thanks much. Right, then let's start with you, Sasuke. What does it feel like to be one of the two only members of the Uchiha clan?

Sasuke: Ugh. (flips hair GAILY) It's such a pain. Sure, I'm proud of all my awesome skills, but people just TREAT me like I'm king. I mean, don't get me wrong, I LOVE being the best, but--

Itachi: Wait, who said you were the best? Have you killed your best friend?

Sasuke: Well, no bu--

Itachi: And were you captain of an ANBU squad at 13?

Sasuke: No.

Itachi: Are you even a Chuunin?

Sasuke: Well, there's a good explanation--

Itachi: Are you as SEXY as I am?

Sasuke: Of course.

Itachi: NO YOU ARE NOT. Isn't that right, Ma'am?

Tay: Just let out your anger. (random wind blows through hair) I'll stay out of this. Confess your rage, sort it out, then kiss and make up.

Sasuke: (cringes) I'm not kissing a filthy weasel.

Itachi: Little brother, you are just so STUPID, hmm? (pats head)

Sasuke: (smack hand away) At least I'm not a douche bag.

Itachi: (sighs) Miss, could you please ask another question?

Tay: Itachi, what was your childhood like? Were you beaten, cherished, or shunned away?

Itachi: (eyes) What are you implying?

Tay: I'm just saying, you killed THE WHOLE CLAN. WHAT WAS UP WITH THAT? (flails arms)

Itachi: Ooooohh...Sasuke ate my chocolate.

Tay: Wait, what?

Sasuke: ...?

Itachi: I had some chocolate left over in the fridge and I was going to eat it later, but Mr. Chocolate-stealer here just happened to walk by and steal it and eat it.

Sasuke: I don't know what you're talking ab--...oooohh...I remember now. Well, I didn't STEAL it, I looked in the fridge, and I saw the chocolate was going to expire that day, so I ate it. I mean, you CAN'T waste chocolate!

Tay: Or can you?

Sasuke: ...

Itachi: ...

Sasuke: (looks at nails)

Itachi: (picks nose)

Tay: (takes notes)

Itachi: (wipes finger on Sasuke)

Sasuke: EWW, GROSS! (flails arms at Itachi)

Kisame: Rawrrrr...(bites door)

Tay: Kisame, you're next, just wait in the other room, okay?

Kisame: Okay...Oh, hey Itachi! Go talk to Deidara when you get back to the cave, he wanted to show you something.

Itachi: Got it.

Tay: Kisame, shoo shooooo, private session! (kicks Kisame out) Uhhh...I forgot where we were.

Sasuke: Moving on to the next question...

Tay: Oh, yes, er...Sasuke, do you like your brother?

Sasuke: That's just about the stupidest question I've heard.

Tay: (takes notes) I assume that's a yes, Itachi--

Sasuke: I DO NOT LIKE HIM. I WANT HIM TO BURN...(wiggles fingers)

Tay: Well, you could've just said that...(rewrites notes) Itachi, do you like Sasuke?

Itachi: Of course, he's my WITTLE BWOTHEW! (pinches Sasuke's cheeks)

Sasuke: Get away from me, moron! Stop touching me! (slaps)

Tay: I love y'all's little fights. They're so cute. Except for that one time, Itachi, it was like...one of the first times you met after you left...you shouldn't mentally scar your little brother. Now he's even more messed up than usual.

Sasuke: WHAT THE HECK! WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON, YOU BI--

Tay: Sasuke, no cursing, pretty please. It would burn my poor little ears. (covers ears)

Sasuke: Ugh. (rolls eyes)

Itachi: Can I have a chip?

Tay: Sure, there ya' go. (throws chip)

Sasuke: ...(sighs)...Okay, hand me a chip too, please.

Tay: No.

Sasuke: WHAT!

Tay: Haha, just kidding, Sasuke-KUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNN! Ha. (throws chips in face)

Sasuke: You're starting to sound like Sakura now, god. (munches)

Tay: Don't use the Lord's name in vain, Sasuke.

Itachi: Does my sweet little brother have a crush or girlfriend? (grins)

Tay: No, in fact, he's gay.

Sasuke! (spits out chip)

Tay: Ewwwwww.

Itachi: Let me rephrase that then; Does my sweet little brother have a crush or BOYfriend?

Sasuke: Can we just get on with the stupid interview therapy whatever it is?

Tay: Okay, okay. Itachi, what do you think of when I say, "CHOCOLATE"?

Itachi: Chocolate-stealer...(glares)

Tay: Good, good. Sasuke, what do YOU think of when I say, "CHOCOLATE"?

Sasuke: Douche bag. (glares back)

* * *

Insert random famous Uchiha glaring contest here

* * *

Tay: Wonderful. Now, this is a question for both of you: What do you think of Naruto?

Sasuke: He's hot.

Tay: ...haha...haaa...erm...(coughs violently) that was a little BOLD, Sasuke.

Itachi: OH, I'M GOING TO BE AN UNCLE! (squeals)

Itachi fangirls: SQQQQQQQQQUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (swoon)

Sasuke: I'm going to disown you!

Itachi: NO! (cries)

Tay: Hooray for uncles and Sasunaru babies!

Itachi: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! I WANNA BE AN UUUUUUNCLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE...(cries more)

Tay: BABIESBABIESBABIESBABIESBABIESBABIESBABIESBABIESBABIESBABIESBABIESBABIESBABIESBABIESBABIES! SASUNARU BABIES, WHOO! (fangirling)

Sasuke: What is WRONG with you!

Tay: I just so happen to be fangirling at the moment. Maybe I'll send for Naruto-kun now...(grin)

Itachi: No, lets not. I don't feel like watching...(coughmansexcough)

Tay: Alright then, Itachi, you still haven't answered the question.

Itachi: (ponders) I don't really know him...I'm just following orders by pursuing him, but no one gave me much info. But I do know he's pretty strong - of course MUCH weaker than me - and he's a little pain in the butt. If I took a guess, I'd say he's...neh...alright.

Tay: Splendid. (eats handful of chips) Mmmm...these chips are good. I've always been a fan of Pringles.

Itachi: (places chip SMOOTHLY in mouth) This is actually my first time having chips. I don't eat much.

Tay: Does that mean you're anorexic, Itachi?

Itachi: What's anorexic?

Tay: I'll say that's a no. Sasuke, what about you?

Sasuke: (eats chips) Sure, the chips are fine. And no, I'm not anorexic...whatever it is...I eat my fill.

Tay: But YOUR fill might not be the RIGHT fill.

Itachi: Anorexic...anorexic...is that some kind of Jutsu?

Tay: There's no need to starve yourselves. You know nothing is more valuable than life...

Itachi: Really?

Sasuke: Should've told him that when he SLAUGHTERED OUR CLAN. (slaps Itachi)

Itachi: (slaps Sasuke) YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE EATEN MR. TRUFFLE!

Sasuke: You NAMED the chocolate!

Itachi: Of course. He was my best friend after I killed Shisui.

Tay: Ah, you're both psycho, but I love you guys. I must hug you. (glomps both)

Sasuke: (attempts to knock off) Stop hugging me!

Itachi: (embraces Tay) Hugs make me feel all warm and bubbly! Like someone farting in the spa...(sighs dreamily)

Sasuke: That is wrong on SO many levels.

Tay: Hooray! (pulls off)

Sasuke: Thank Go--

Tay: (glare)

Sasuke: ...Naruto.

Tay: Okay, I'm REALLY sorry; I have ADD...so it's KINDA hard to concentrate on a certain topic...

Sasuke: Alright. Next question please.

Tay: (looks around) ...where's my clipboard?

Itachi: ...oh, there it is, under the chips. (points)

Tay: Sankyuu. Itachi, what was your childhood like? Were you beaten, cherished, or shunned away...?

Itachi: You already asked that question.

Sasuke: Get it right, idiot.

Tay: Oh, ohohohoh, sorry, wrong page. (flips through papers) Sasuke, what was YOUR childhood like?

Sasuke: Father, like,didn't really care about me, just that I, like, didn't disgrace myself. He wanted me to, like,"be like Itachi"...hn, like,as if. (waves hand)

Itachi: You even speak like you're gay! And what's with the hand? You're embarrassing yourself!

Sasuke: (gasps) I'm not embarrassed.

Itachi: You are a transsexual then? WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY BROTHER! Dearest emo brother, why has thou been CURSED with thy EVIL GAYNESS. (shakes Sasuke violently)

Tay: SASUNARU BABIES! (squeals)

Sasuke: Will you STOP that, woman! It's just STUPID!

Tay: Ooh, oohoohoohooh! Can I be their GODMOTHER!

Sasuke: Just marry the weasel and be the Aunt while you're at it.

Itachi: Wha?

Tay: I DO!

Sasuke: I now pronounce you weasel and psycho, now go away!

Itachi: ...!

Tay: Whoopsie. (scratches head) I'm not supposed to get involved with clients...now they'll take my license...

Sasuke: Did you ever even have a license?

Itachi: Now, do I even get a SAY about who I share my life with? (has conversation with self)

Tay: ...I lost my license in my room a couple of months back...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T TELL! I WANT TO KEEP DOING THIS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...(cries)

Kisame: TO THE BATCAVE, ROBIN! (points toward door)

Tay: KISAME, SHOOOO! We still have 10 minutes! (chases Kisame)

Itachi: Do we really? Huh...seemed to go by pretty fast, actually. I thought this would be some long boring session. (looks around) Sasuke, where's my nailpolish?

Kisame: Oh, Itachi, you left it on the table in the waiting room, here you go! (throws)

Itachi: (catches) Thanks much.

Tay: KISAMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (chases more)

Sasuke: (stuffs chips in mouth) Phrmmmphhprprhmmfhfffrhm...mmm...mnmmrph... (The chips are good...really...delicious...)

Itachi: Don't talk with your mouth full. Besides, you're gonna get fat if you keep eating like that. (pokes belly)

Sasuke: (smacks hand and stuffs more chips in mouth) Mrppmpmrpmmmphrphphpmrmhpmmm. (You know, you're not my mother, idiot.)

Itachi: Mother's dead, and I now claim myself as the Mother.

Sasuke: (chokes) MRPHPMMPMM! (YOU CAN'T DO THAT!)

Itachi: Yes, as a matter of fact, you can do that.

Tay: Okay, back...(sweeps self off)...Itachi, what's with the squirrel?

Itachi: That's Mr. Chocolate-Stealer-Who-Likes-To-Talk-With-His-Mouth-Full-And-Forgot-His-Manners.

Tay: Oh, hello! (waves)

Itachi: (rolls eyes)...it's Sasuke.

Tay: OH! (scratches head) Erm...Itachi, who are your friends, and what are they like?

Itachi: Well there's Kisame, and he's like...part shark. He's cool. Then there's Deidara, and he's a bomb maniac...and he's often mistaken as a girl. We all laugh very much at that. Then Sasori, who likes to play with puppets, but he's cool. And then there's Zetsu, and he's some plant thing. He scares me...very much.

Tay: That's nice...(smiles)...Sasuke?

Sasuke: My old friends were Naruto ahemhotahem, and Sakura who's like a pesky sister, and Kakashi who is a lazy pervert. My new friends are Orochimaru - though he likes to be called Tsunade...we believe it's a phase he's going through - , Kabuto, the Sound Five, and all my Emo friends in the Sound Village.

Tay: You poor, poor Emo. (shakes head)

Itachi: What was that about Naruto?

Sasuke: He's a dope.

Itachi: Riiiight...(nudges)

Tay: Well, guys, I'm sorry, but it seems our interview...(hichicsobsobcrycry)...is...OVERRRRRR! (bursts into tears)

Sasuke: Thought it would never happen. (sarcasm)

Itachi: Ah, don't cry. (pats back) Remember, you'll be an Auntie!

Tay: SASUNARU BABIES! (jumps up and dances)

Itachi: That's the spirit! (dances with Tay)

Tay: YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY! I'm gonna be an Auntie, I'm gonna be an Auntie...I can't wait to tell Kisame and Naruto!

Sasuke: WHAT? You're seeing Naruto too?

Tay: Uh-huh! (nods) I see Kisame next, and then Naruto-kun!

Itachi: Crap, Deidara's gonna kill me...I have to run. (runs away)

Tay: BYE! I'LL SEE YOU AT THE CAVE, HONEY! (waves)

Sasuke: You know, that wedding wasn't official.

Tay: Or was it?

(...silence...)

Tay: ...where's the Twilight Zone music? SAKIKO, CUE THE MUSIC!

Sakiko: Sorry!

* * *

(insert Twilight Zone DOO-DEE-DOO-DOO DOO-DEE-DOO-DOO music here)

* * *

Tay: Oh, Sasuke, I'm gonna tell Naruto this too, but make SURE that one of the babies is named AFTER ME!

Sasuke: Why?

Tay: FFFUUUUUEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN...I wanna be NAMED AFTER! (cries) ...or else I'llspay Naruto and neuter you. (evil grin)

Sasuke: (shakes head) I'm out of here.

Tay: BYE, BROTHER-IN-LAW! (waves)

-------

And so concludes my therapy interview thingymajigger. What do you think?

Hahaha. I was improvising the whole time. HAHAHHAAHAHAHA!

I'm done.

**EDIT: Yes, I did change this up. XD Is it better than before? 'Cos I think the bad quality of this chapter made people think the rest of the story was bad. There were like...1000 hits on this chap, but 500 on the next. TT3TT Sorry, people, if it was bad before. I hope it's better now.**


	2. KISAME!

OKAY! I'm so happy that you people liked the first chappie:D Let me answer reviews before I get started. 

**weirdest1:** WOOOOO! FIRST REVIEW ON THE STORY! (gives cookies and roses) I'm sorry I made you fall over…;; But I'm happy you liked it! XD

**A Dallop A Daisy:** Oh yes, Daisy! Just wait until I do Gaara and Neji's chapters…MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA! …HAHAA!

**happychica:** Hooray for improvising! OwO And thank you very much! (hugs)

**Master Sanosa:** YES! (claps) Gracias for the tip :D I'll make sure to use the () I don't wanna spell it out. (falls over) WHEEEE I'M DOING IT! (dances)

**Harakiri-Penguin:** Hooray for insanity :…and AYE-AYE, CAP'N! WATCHIN' FOR SCRIPT FORMATS!

**brightfire5:** Yesh… "wow" indeed…(scratches chin)…HUG! (hugs)

**Neko-Gaara:** Heehee! w I'm so happy you like it!

**VixenOfDeath809:** Wow, that much! (hands ice bag) I don't want my reviewers to get hurt! (hides) Don't hurt me if it isn't as funny!

**foxes-n-blood-n-tears-never...:** Yes…poor Mr. Truffle. I can also see why Itachi did it, I mean, my sister eats my chocolate and I steal her cellphone! - Note: My sister's cellphone is the MOST important thing EVER to her - And I'll be sure to keep it up. :)

**-ItachixSasuke-:** HAHAHA! Just wait…Naruto's…oh, I'll have MUCH FUN with that. (evil grin)

**Superior Steel:** AHHHH I MIGHT BE A MURDERER! (stabs self) …owwww….I'll update soon, I'm updating now :D

**mokomel:** Sure, I'll do couples! And I think you just gave me an idea for the sixth chapter. (smirks)

**twitchy-chan:** Really! Hahaha! (laughs) And are you really gonna send the squirrels? O.O (runs away) THEY WILL EAT MY SOCKS! NUUUUUUUUUUUU! No worries, Neji is gonna be my fourth chappie. ;)

**Rae-chan33:** AH! Are you okay! (shakes) Well, I'm SOOOOOO UBER MEGA SUPER DOOPER HAPPY YOU LIKE IT!

**Anime Yin Yang:** Yes, I'll be going…on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and…(rambles off)

**crazybritoutforevange:** Yes, Itachi's friends are much better than cottage cheese. XD And you like many guy characters, don't you? Haha…but you can't have the Chocolate-stealer 'cos he has Naruto-kun! YAAAAY! (pushes Sasuke and Naruto together) BABIES! One must be named after……wait for mine too…wait…wai--…false alarm…NO, no…YES! MEEEEEEEEE!(blinding sparkles)

**SasuNaruBlackCat:** Yesh, Sasuke is the squishy squirrel! >w

**dumbass ninja:** Ah, I won't make him as gay as Sasuke. And I'll put in all those people, don't you worry:D

**Reject From The Back Of The Bus:** YEAHHHHHHHHH! SASUNARU BABIES! (dances) Okay, one child will be named "Tay" and one "Noraku". :D

**EvilFuzzy9:** AH, THE INFAMOUS REVIEWS _BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNN_! Squee! I'll update soon. :)

**PurpleNek0:** Oh, I hope very much that it'll be popular! XD That's a GREAT IDEA too! It'll be "Naruto REHAB Sessions"! WOOOOOOOO and thanks much much much for fave! ;D

HOLY SHIZNAT, LOOK AT ALL OF THEM! Alright! Let's get this thing started! Note: I'm listening to Jaws while listening to this so…um…KISAME! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

* * *

Tay: (opens door) Okay, Kisame, it's your turn now. Come on in and have a chair. 

Kisame: FINALLY! Um…what's with the chips?

Tay: Oh…sorry. We had a tea party during their session.

Kisame: I wanna tea partyyyyyyyyyyyy…

Tay: Would you like a dress? Chelsea has this pink one with lace and frills and such, it's really pretty. Why don't you wear that one?

Kisame: WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Are you allowed to use it? Does…who was it… "Chelsea" mind?

Tay: Nuh. I don't give a rat's behind if she cares or not. It's not like she ever wears it.

Kisame: Oooohh….

Tay: Be back in a minute. Help yourself to the chips. Oh, and there's more food behind my chair if you need it. (walks out)

Kisame: …chips chips chips chips…Wait….WHERE'S SAMEHADA! SAMEHADA! COME HERE, SWORDY SWORD SWORD! Where'd I leave it? (searches room)

Samehada: HERE I AM! (bounces in plant pot)

Kisame: What the hell are you doing in that pot!

Samehada: You don't remember? Last night…the break in…you wanted me to kill her so that you didn't have to come to your appoinment today! But she thought I was some tree she ordered and stuck me in here! (struggles)

Kisame: …no, I don't remember! (scratches head)

Samehada: ARGH. WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE SWORD!

Kisame: (whimpers)

Samehada: Just, get me out of here.

Kisame: No.

Samehada: WHAT!

Tay: (jumps in room) I'm back! Here, have a lookit, Kisa--…what are you doing with my tree?

Kisame: Er…just…touching…it…

Tay: …

Kisame: …

Tay: ...

Kisame: (picks nose)

Tay: …TRY IT ON! (grins)

Kisame: YAAAAY TEA PARTY! (takes off Akatsuki cloak and puts on dress)

Tay: Ah…does it fit comfortably?

Kisame: …yeah, just fine!

Tay: GOOD! Um, let's have the tea party while doing the session, okay?

Kisame: Can you hand me that bag of wafers? (points)

Tay: Here you go! (hands bag)

Kisame: MMPPRRRHHHHHHHH! (HOORAYYYYYYYYYY!)

Itachi: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (does the wave)

Tay: Itachi, what in the WORLD are you doing here! I just released you and Sasuke! Besides, I'm coming back to the hideout after my appoinments today!

Itachi: But...but but...Deidara made FUN OF MEEEEEEE!

Tay: (kicks out door)

Itachi: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! (flies out of window and gets run over by Gaara)

Gaara: ONWARD, TEDDIES! (points forward)

Tay: Let's get started with the questions. Kisame, why are you blue? I mean, Itachi told me you were part shark. Is that true?

Kisame: Oh, yep!

Tay: Then…where did you come from?

Kisame: Uhh…what's that place called? Big water zoo park thingy. I know it has sea animals. Some kind of…World of the Sea.

Tay: Sea World?

Kisame: YEAH! My old friends live there. That big ol' whale that almost drowned the worker, the sharks in the shark tank, all them. The manager said that I was too weird to live there…made me sad.

Tay: (pats head)

Kisame: Thanks. So, they drove me out to the wilderness and dumped me there. But then I died 'cos I couldn't breathe air yet.

Tay: If you're dead, then how are you alive?

Kisame: I was resurrected by the SQUIRRELS!

Rock Lee: YOSH! MY BRETHEREN!

Tay: LEE, WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING HERE! You come in TOMORROW, not TODAY!

Rock Lee: …YOSH! THE POWER OF YOUTH HAS GOTTEN ME THROUGH RUSH HOUR!

Tay: Yes, Gai already told me that story.

Kisame: ROBIN! QUICK, THE JOKER IS UP TO NO GOOD!

Batman: THAT'S MY LINE! (smacks Kisame) Robin! To the Batmobile!

Robin: But I dun WANNNNNNNAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH…

Kisame: (drools)

Robin: (stabs self)

Batman: NOOOOOOOOO!

Kisame: (drowns Batman in dribble)

Tay: Okay (brushes off clothes) I got Rock Lee to go away.

Kisame: …My Little Pony, My Little Pony…

Tay: Why is there (gasps) KISAME, WHAT DID YOU DO!

Kisame: I CAN'T HELP IT! I'm part SHARK and I LOVE water and DROOL IS SOME KIND OF WATER.

Tay: No, I never liked Batman, I wanted to ask why there were so many CRUMBS on my clipboard!

Kisame: …derrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…

Tay: (sighs) Never mind. What was your childhood like, Kisame?

Kisame: Well, Dad was taken away by the Konoha Red Lobster committee when I was really young. I never really knew what happened to him.

Tay: So that's what was in my soup.

Kisame: WHAT!

Tay: And your mother?

Kisame: Ah, she was really nice when I was a little baby shark thing. But then she stayed away from me when I grew an arm…and…(sweatdrop)

Tay: Oh. What do you think of when I say, "SHARK"

Kisame: MEEE!

Tay: Very good. What do you think of when I say, "NEMO"

Kisame: …NIGHTWISH!

Tay: I LOOOOOVE that song! (laughs) Oh, what did Deidara want to say to Itachi?

Kisame: Well, at the hideout, you know how Itachi is going blind?

Tay: He seemed alright today…

Kisame: He is going blind. Anyways, he broke the satellite for the TV, so we all got together and pulled straws to see who would discuss that with him. I mean, none of us have the time or patience for Itachi, really. But in the end, we cut Deidara's straw the shortest and made him the one to tell him. I mean, NO ONE cares what the sissy-boy Deidara thinks.

Tay: I do!

Kisame: …you don't count.

Tay: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (cries) Okay, Kisame, what are your dreams in life?

Kisame: Well, I want to save my friends Riku and Kairi from the heartless and live happily ever after on Destiny Islands!

Tay: …wrong story, Kisame.

Kisame: Oh, right, what I really want to do is work at Petco! (smiles) I'm great with great with children and animals!

Random little girl: (screams)

Kisame: Though…little girls don't find me very welcoming I guess…But I want to work in the fish department in Petco. That'd be awesome, I mean, I can get the fish all ready for being shipped off to peoples' homes! I CAN GIVE MAKEOVERS!

Tay: Riiiight. And who is your hero, Kisame?

Kisame: BRUCE, THE GREAT WHITE SHARK!

Tay: Yeah…that's awesome.

Kisame: I want to play ping-pong.

Tay: Are you having a good time way up there on your pedestal, Kisame?

Samehada: Did you forget about me, Kisame!

Kisame: Yes, I did.

Tay: …You know, Kisame, it's not alright to talk to yourself.

Kisame: Wha-- you mean, you can't hear Samehada!

Tay: Um, am I supposed to? 'Cos I don't.

Samehada: I'M NOT A TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I'M A POKEY POKER!

Kisame: Shut up, Samehada! I don't CARE!

Tay: (takes notes)

Kisame: ……No, I DIDN'T replace you, STOP ACCUSING ME!

…

Kisame: Yes, in fact, that IS what glue is made of.

…

Kisame: We'll deal with Tobi later, OKAY!

…

Kisame: No, I DON'T LOOK FUNNY IN THIS DRESS! IT FITS ME PERFECTLY!

Tay: Kisame, does your pediatrician prescribe you any special medication? I think I need to have a talk with whoever he is about getting you some…

Kisame: I SEE DEAD PEOPLE.

Tay: You do? (takes more notes)

Kisame: Birdie, birdie, in the sky! Why'd you do that in my eye? Looks like sugar, tastes like sap. OMG IT'S BIRDIE CRAP! (faints)

Tay: Kisame, KISAME, ARE YOU OKAY! (shakes Kisame)

Kisame: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was--

Tay: NOT AGAIN! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I DON'T WANT TO RELIVE THE FEAR!

Kisame: BELIEVE IT!

Tay: Okay, I'll be getting ENOUGH of that from my next appointment. (smacks Kisame)

Kisame: I…it's Samehada! He's trying to (pulls Tay down next to him and whispers) steal my souuuuuuuul…

Samehada: I AM NOT!

Kisame: Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep--

Tay: Alright, let's just get back to the questions. You only have 6 minutes left.

Kisame: Really? Was I talking to Samehada that long?

Tay: (sighs) Kisame…how long has this… "talking with Samehada" been going on?

Kisame: Oh, ever since I bought him from Sasori.

Tay: Which was...?

Kisame: About…3 years ago today.

Tay: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! (throws rice)

Kisame: Aw, shucks!

Tay: Hmm, but it seems I have found the root of your problems; Samehada. By the way, if your sword is talking to you, then it must be around here somewhere, hmm?

Kisame: He's in that pot over there! (points to corner)

Tay: That's impossible! I ordered that tree weeks ago! Though I don't get why they just dumped it in my office instead of letting me sign the paperwork.

Kisame: About that…

Tay: WHY DOESN'T ANYONE TELL ME THESE THINGS!

Kisame: SAMEHADA, STOP YELLING, I CAN HERE YOU JUST FINE!

Tay: Daddy never hugged me, and Momma never talks to me anymore…SOMEBODY HOOOOOLLLLDDDDD MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (wraps arms around self)

Kisame: Don't make me come over there, Samehada. I HAVE THE FRILLS OF DESPAAAAAAAIIIIIIRRRRRRRR……(shakes dress)

Tay: AAAUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH……I'm so…ALONE…(echoes) I see…I see, the LIGHT. (rocks self)

Naruto: (opens door) Hey, is it my tur--

Kisame: OH NO, YOU DIDN'T JUST SAY THAT, YOU STICK! (chokes Samehada)

Tay: And as the Strangefolk mined deeper and deeper into the mountain, holes began to appear, bringing with them a cold and bitter wind that chilled the very soul of the Monkey…I can see CLEARLY NO-OW, THE RAIN HAS GOOOONE…

Naruto: (knocks on door) Umm…Tay?

Tay: (turns head) Yes?

Naruto: I…I'll just come back tomorrow when you're feeling a little…better.

Tay: NO, I'VE LOST ANOTHER! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME, NARUTO! (grabs on to pantleg)

Kisame: I'm going, I gotta go check on Itachi and Deidara.

Tay: Okay, bye, Kisame! (looks at time) KISAME, YOU STILL HAVE 46 SECONDS LEFT WITH ME!

Kisame: FREEEEEEE-DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! (grabs Samehada and runs out)

Tay: …he left his cloak and took the dress…(picks up Akatsuki cloak)

Naruto: (coughs)

Tay: NARUTO-KUUUUUUN! (glomps)

* * *

XD Hahaha. I'm sorry if this wasn't as funny as the first, but…I TRIED. (sparkles) Hehe, Kisame and I didn't really even ask any questions 'cos he was a little bit busy having an episode with Samehada….O.O;;;; Sorry about that. And I'm soooooooooOOOOOOOooOOOooOoOooQQQQQQQQQQ happy for you guys' reviews. :') They have….INSPIRED ME. 

(Twilight Zone DOO-DEE-DOO-DOO DOO-DEE-DOO-DOO music plays)

Saki-chan! NOT NOW!

Sakiko: SORRY!

Oh, that's my Naruto OC, Sakiko. - Yes, I made an OC of my own, bite me - She helps out around the office. Like my secretary.

You know, it's very ironic that I'm even writing Naruto sessions in the first place, 'cos I have 2 therapists and I just so happen have to see one of them today. XD And let me just tell you guys:

**_PSYCHOS ARE NOT BAD, WE ARE AWESOME._**

Okay…uuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm……..REVIEW! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

PS: The first reviewer for the second chapter gets…

KISAME'S AKATSUKI CLOAK! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Done for real. Until next chappie :D Oh, they might be delayed (see profile) 'cos I can't type them out on MS Word. NEEEHHHHHH...


	3. NARUTO!

Hallo! Sugar, my kitty cat, says Hallo too...(makes Sugar wave) Haha. He ish my little squishy boo...(squeezes Sugar) 

Alright! Let's get started with reviews, shall we? (kicks Sugar out of 2nd story window) LOVE YOU, BOOGER!

**Lady Inari:** FIRST REVIEW ON SECOND CHAPPIE! YOU GET KISAME'S CLOAK! ...AND KISAME PLUSHIE PLUSH AND BOX OF COOKIES! (throws Kisame's cloak, plush and cookies) Would you like to have an Akatsuki member? O.o We don't need them all...eh, go ahead and just take Kisame. :D (attempts to throw tied up Kisame) UURRRRGGHH-- CATAPULT TIME! (catapults Kisame to Lady Inari)

Okay, since I don't like anyone to lose, I hijacked the Akatsuki cave and made Deidara make cloaks for everyone. (Kicks Deidara) XD But they aren't Kisame's favorite cloaks, so Lady Inari still wins. Then I stole Deidara and Itachis' cloaks. Now I am rolling around in them on the floor. HAHAHAH!

**Invader-Nehima:** YEAH! (throws cloak) Go scare like there's NO TOMORROW:D And I don't know who "Sukiko" is, but Sakiko says she's sleepy...(shoots Sakiko with tranquilizer)...(Sakiko faints)...(stuffs her body in closet)

**Hikaru Setsuno:** WOOOOOOOOO! (throws cloak) I'm glad you liked it...A WHOLE BUNCH!

**Lady Awesome:** Yesh! (throws Kiba's Jacket)...take Akamaru while you're at it too :D (throws Akamaru) Yay! I liked Kisame's random ramble session. XD That was much fun to write!

**Reject From The Back Of The Bus:** YAY! WOOT AKATSUKI ROOOOOOOOOOOLLLLZZZZZZZZZ! (throws cloak) And no, I haven't noticed. XD I'm way too stupid to realize that it is a paintbrush bandage sword. I just wantd my tree to come in XP

**Feel the wrath of Rin:** Yeah, Kisame talking to Samehada confused Tay much! Hooray that it's really really funny! (throws cloak)

**happychica:** YOU DID:O So did I! Except I talked to my teddy bear and then to my cats. Bear answered back, but Sugar Milly and Abby just don't listen to me! XD (throws cloak) Don't worry, Naruto-kun will NOT disappoint!

**Disturbed Little Orchid:** AH I LOVE YOU TOO! (hugs and gives cloak) You weren't gonna read it? (cries) Haha, I'm just kidding. Am I really your hero? (shines) OOOOOOHHH...NO BELIEVE IT! (falls over) NARUTO, I'LL KILL YOU!

**gclp:** Yeah, psychos RUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLEEEE! (gives cloak and cookie)

**twitchy-chan:** AAAHH! BUT YOU GET YOUR OWN CLOAK! (throws cloak in face) Yay no squirrels. XD I hope you like Naruto-kun's! And you go to therapy too? I'M NOT ALONE! But I like going to Mrs. Blandino. She's really nice. :)

**A Dallop a Daisy:** WOOO! Please don't fret, Neji and Gaara and Mr. Teddy are COMING! (throws cloak) I can't upload .docs either! X.X I have to do everything on Notepad for it to upload...AAHHHHHH...

**PurpleNek0:** The squirrels have saved another! (throws cloak) And I'm ALWAYS (shines brightly) WILLING TO TAKE IDEAS!

AH MY GOD THERE ARE 13 REVIEWS! (screams bloody murder)

LET'S GET STARTED!

* * *

Tay: Naruto-kun, you can come in now! (pulls hair back into ponytail) 

Naruto: Er, are you sure you're okay because I'm a little worried abo--

Tay: NONSENSE! I'm A-okay! (pulls Naruto in)

Naruto: Uh-huh...BELIEVE IT!(sits down)

Tay: Okay, Naruto. How are you feeling today?

Naruto: I have morning sickness and my stomach hurts REALLY bad...believe it.

Tay: (O.O)

Naruto: What?

Tay: (sweat drops) NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL, THAT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL! (puts hands up defensively)

Naruto: (shrugs)If you say so.

Tay: Before I forget, I told Sasuke that I want a Sasunaru baby named after me! Either "Tay" or "Adele"

Naruto: Believe it...can men even have babies?

Tay: YES! MEN CAN! By the MIRACLE OF IMAGINATION AND PEANUT BUTTER I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU HUSBAND AND WIFE!

Naruto: Wait, what!

Tay: (shoves Sasuke doll in Naruto's face) YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE!

Naruto: (pushes Sasuke doll away) WHAT THE H--- ARE YOU DOING!

Tay: MY EARS! THEY BUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNN! (holds ears)

Naruto: All I said was he--

Tay: (covers Naruto's mouth) But they can HEAR US. They want to take our precious...

Naruto: NOOOOO PRECIOUS RAMEN! BELIEVE IT!

Tay: Okay, okay. Naruto-kun, I have noticed that you have an...abnormal...obsession with ramen. Why is this?

Naruto: Well, it all started when I was 7. I was a street-urchin, believe it.

Tay: (takes notes) Yes.

Naruto: And since I couldn't afford to buy anything 'cos Iruka wouldn't give me any money, I went to the ramen stand for AAAALLLLLLLLL of my food 'cos that was the cheapest place, believe it! The guy there would never give me my ramen though, so every meal I got, I kicked him in the nuts and ran away with a bowl of ramen. BELIEVE IT!

Tay: Interesting...what became of the ramen vendor? (drinks can of Cola that magically appeared in her hand)

Naruto: I kicked him in the nuts so many times he had to have major surgery. Then he thought he was too ugly, believe it,so he got a major plasticsurgery done on his face.Last I heard he's Sasuke's emo leader.

Tay: (chokes on Cola) Orochimaru!

Naruto: YEAH! BELIEVE IT!

Tay: HOLY.

Naruto: Speaking of Orochimaru, isn't he going through a ph--

Tay: Yeah...thinks he's Tsunade obaa-chan.

Naruto: ...BELIEVE IT!

Tsunade: WHAT THE F---!

Tay: (faints)

Tsunade: What's with her?

Naruto: She apparently doesn't like cursing. Better take the chance now to curse all you want, believe it.

(Insert curse fest here)

Tsunade: Okay, bye, brat! (walks out)

Naruto: Bye, Tsunade-obaa! (waves)

Random Army of Squirrels: CHUUUUUUUUUUU! (run in and revive Tay)

Tay: Wow...what happened?

Random Army of Squirrels' Leader: CHUUUU CHUCHCUCHCU KYFUSEURNKFSAKSOWEUUUU!

Tay: ...what?

Naruto: BELIEVE IT!

Tay: Oh, I forgot you were there, Naruto-kun! (burns army of squirrels)

(insert many burning squirrel screams right here)

Naruto: Believe it, that was HORRIBLE.

Tay: No duh. (pokes dead squirrel)

Naruto: BELIEVE IT!

Tay: (smacks Naruto) STOP IT, YOU IDIOT!

Naruto: Fueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnn...(cries)

Tay: (sighs) Ugh. Ramen? (holds out bowl)

Naruto: Thanks! (kicks Tay in...groin area)

Tay: Ow, that kinda hurt. Glad I'm not a guy...

Naruto: Sorry, bad habit. (slurps ramen)

Tay: On with it. Naruto, what is your drea--

Naruto: TO BE THE GREATEST HOKAGE! BELIEVE IT!

Tay: Iwouldn't have everguessed. What was your childhood like, Naruto-kun?

Naruto: Why do you add a "kun" at the end of my name?

Tay: 'Cos it's a habit.

Naruto: Oh...my childhood was...(shifty eyes)...THE BEST! BELIEVE IT!

Tay: (smacks) THE TRUTH, YOU SPINKLEBINDER!

Naruto: (bursts into tears) I HATED IIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT! NO ONE LOVED ME...I HAD NOWHERE TO GO AND NO FRIENDS! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (fetal position)

Tay: (pats back) It's okay, you little emo kid.

Naruto: (sniff) I'm...(sniff) not emo...(hiccups)

Tay: You had no friends, everyone hated you, you had no home, you always wear a mask, you had to kick a child-molester ramen vendor in the nuts 3 times a day every day for years, and to top it off you have an emo for a boyfriend. He must be rubbing off on you!

Naruto: AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH...(cries more) YOU'RE RIGHT!

Tay: And that's why I have this job. (nods)

Naruto: But how do I get...(hiccups)...un-emo?

Tay: (cocks shotgun) It's time for Sasuke to go the way of Old Yeller.

Naruto: WITHOUT KILLING SASUKE, PLEASE! (grabs Tay's sweater)

Tay: Oh...uhh...tell Sasuke to lose his emo friends and buy a motorcycle.

Naruto: What's a motorcycle?

Tay: (smacks Naruto)

Naruto: STOP IT! BELIEVE IT, I WILL HURT YOU!

Kyuubi: I'm hungry.

Tay: (Oo)

Naruto: (pokes belly) Kyuubi, just have some more of that thing in my head.

Kyuubi: Okay.

Tay: ...your brain? Man, no wonder you're so stupid. (shrugs)

Naruto: Huh?

Tay: Do you know who your parents were?

Naruto: No...

Tay: Would you like me to tell you who your father was? I have no idea who your mom was.

Naruto: TELL ME, PLEASE! BELIEVE IT!

Tay: (whispers untypable mumbles in Naruto's ear)

Naruto: OH MY GOD, HIM!

Tay: (nods)

Naruto: And he was the...

Tay: (nods more)

Naruto: AND NOW HE'S LEADER OF--

Tay: (covers mouth) Remember the precious. They can't hear us discussing this...

Naruto: Do you...know anything else believe it?

Tay: You have a s--(mumbles more into Naruto's ear)

Naruto: I DO! BELIEVE IT!

Tay: (nods and whispers more things I can't translate)

Naruto: SHE WORKS FOR HIM, OF ALL PEOPLE, BELIVE IT!

Tay: (nods) It's just WEIRD, right?

Naruto: Believe it.

Tay: That's like...the only time you've used "believe it" in an actual way.

Naruto: BELIEVE IT!

Tay: (kicks Naruto's nuts)

Naruto: OWWWWWWWWW! (doubles over in pain)

Tay: Haha. Okay, Naruto, who's your hero?

Naruto: BELIEVE IT! The Fourth Hokage, m--

Tay: DON'T SAY ANYMORE, I KNOW!

Naruto: ...okay...(dramatic pause)

Tay: ...

Naruto: ...

Tay: (sticks pinky in ear)

Naruto: (chews hair)

Tay: (looks at finger) ... (wipes pinky on Naruto's jacket)

Naruto: THAT'S DISGUSTING! BELIEVE IT!

Tay: Oh, now the emo's going prep?

Naruto: I'M NOT EMO, BELIEVE IT! I'M GONNA BE THE HOKA--

Tay: (smacks)

Naruto: STOOOOOOOOP IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTT! (smacks Tay)

Tay: OH NO YOU DI-N'T!

Naruto: BITCHSLAPPED!

Tay: MY EARS THEY ARE MEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLTTTTTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGG!

Naruto: Do you have any food? I can't hear myself think...

Tay: (hands bag of Fritos)

Naruto: I don't like Fritos..

Tay: NEITHER DO I! (throws bag of Cheetos)

Naruto: I don't like Cheetos...

Tay: OMG that rhymed.

Naruto: ...?

Tay: (throws random bag of chips)

Naruto: Thanks much.

Tay: No problem. Naruto, who's your best friend?

Naruto: Sasuke! (hugs Sasuke doll from waaaaaaaaaaaaaay in the beginning of the chap)

Tay: (cries) AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH...

Naruto: What!

Tay: BUT I THOUGHT I WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSS! (cries into hands)

Naruto: Believe it, you should go to a shrink yourself.

Tay: I do!

Naruto: Are you even GOING, believe it!

Tay: I am, but not a lot lately.

Naruto: That must be why you're breaking down so much, believe it.

Tay: (throws burnt squirrel at Naruto) STOP SAYING BELIEVE IT!

Naruto: ACK! IT'S ALL POKEY! MY FACE, MY FAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCEEEEEEE! (runs around screaming) BELIEVE IT!

Tay: (picks up couch) I DARE YOU TO SAY THAT AGAIN!

Naruto: BELIEVE IT!

* * *

Paramedic: So, how did it happen again? 

Tay: He was REEEEEAAALLY starting to bug me though!

Paramedic: ...right. He was pushing your buttons, so you threw a couch on him and broke his right arm and leg. Not to mention over HALF OF HIS BRAIN IS MISSING.

Tay: Now THAT wasn't my fault! You see, Kyuubi was hungry an--

Paramedic: Sorry, but I'm going to have to confiscate your license.

Tay: (shifty eyes)

Paramedic: Miss Smith, YOUR LICENSE, PLEASE.

Tay: (pulls out shotgun)

Paramedic: WHAT THE F--

**BOOM!**

Tay: No one takes my license. (blows smoke off tip like in the movies)

Naruto: Nnnnggh...(twitches)

Tay: wonderful, Naruto-kun. (takes out cell and dials number) Hey, Sasuke?

Sasuke over phone: Yeah?

Tay: WHOA, THIS IS YOUR NUMBER?

Sasuke over phone: Uh...yeah?

Tay: I could TOTALLY SELL THIS OVER THE INTERNET! I'LL MAKE MILLIONS!

Sasuke over phone: If you aren't going to tell me--

Tay: WAIT! I need you to come and take Naruto back to his apartment...he kinda got into..ahh...(whispers into phone)

Sasuke over phone: ...I can't hear you

Tay: (whispers louder)

Sasuke over phone: WHAT?

Tay: I BROKE HIS ARM AND LEG AND HE IS MENTALLY IMPAIRED, SO COME PICK HIM UP, YOU DUCK!

Sasuke over phone: Oh, S---!

Tay: MY EARS CAN'T TAKE IT! (faints again)

* * *

(SASUKE TO THE RESCUE!) 

(...is the music here?...)

(derrr...music...uhh...there isn't any yet...)

(...WHERE THE FLIPPIN GOOSE IS THE MUSIC?)

Tay: SAKI-CHAN! RESCUE MUSIC!

(crickest chirp)

Tay: SAKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-CHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN!

Sakiko: OH, RIGHT!

(Insert random hot duck-butt hair emo to the rescue music here)

* * *

Sasuke: Naruto! What did that bitch do to you! 

Naruto: Nnnghh...Sa...suke?

Sasuke: (leans over) Yes?

Naruto: You...

Sasuke: (leans over more) What is it?

Naruto: ...

Sasuke: ...

Naruto: (farts)

Sasuke: ...?

Naruto: ...YOU FUCKING PERVERTED EMO! (punches)

Sasuke: (gets punched and blacks out from loss of blood)

Naruto: (dusts self off) And DON'T COME NEAR ME until you've STRAIGHTENED UP THAT ATTITUDE OF YOURS!

Sasuke: (twitches violently)

Naruto: Idiot. BELIEVE IT. (walks off)

* * *

Well! Naruto-kun gets the last word 'cos Sasuke's to punched and perverted to get up and my ears are bleedin' like there's no tomorrow. 

How was it, dear reviewers? I thought this was was SO MUCH FUN to write! XD

Okay, it won't be a competition, but whoever reviews gets...uhhh...

A LOCK OF NARUTO'S HAIR! I snipped it off when he was twitching under the couch. Got quite a lot, actually. His mop of hair just poofed out the more I clipped...O.o Friggin weird.

AND COOKIES!

Gaara: MINE! (makes move for cookies)

Tay: (slaps Gaara) NEXT CHAPTER, GAARA THE FUZZY-BOOGLE TEDDY LOVER!

Gaara: (cries)

Tay: AH! (hugs Gaara)

Gaara: HA! (stabs)

Tay: (X.X)


	4. GAARA!

OMFG SUGAR HAS FLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSS! (screams) AND I GOT THEM ON MEEEEE! 

(gasps) Here he is...ah...ITCHY! NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHH! (itches) Itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy itchy! (cries) I DUN LIKE THE ITCHHHHHHHH...

Ah. Sorry sorry much sorries for posting late! TT I'm sick...ehhhhhh...vury sick...-melts to floor- I'M MELTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!

REVIEWS! I had to make a new friggin folder in my mail account...OAO

**Lady Inari:** OMG YOU'RE FIRST AGAIN! Ish Kisame happy? I hope so...nah, really I don't care if he's okay or not. XD If you want Itachi he'll have to "divorce" me...HAHAHHA! Itachi: I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WE WERE MARRIED! Tay: SHUDDUP! (throws tractor)

**Superior Steel:** OAO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NO SUE! (cocks trusty shotgun) I WON'T GO TO THE HAPPY HOUSE! (shoots) Oh...crap...SQUIRRELS! (army of squirrels run in and revive)

**happychica:** Was...I doubted? ;-; Oh, and Naruto punched Sasuke 'cos if you remember when Naruto went through that emo phase I told him to knock some sense into Sasuke...YAAAY!

**A Dallop A Daisy:** Yes, don't we all? XD Neji is NEXT chapter...you be included in next chappie, okee dokee:D

**the most OOC writer around:** AH, LADY INARI DID GET FIRST AGAIN! XD Don't fret! (pats back) YOU ALL GET HAIR WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT! HAHAAHHAHHAAHA!

**gclp:** He'll get over it. XD I need Hinata back...on chapter...what am I on now...4...5...6! I need Hinata-chan back on chapter six. :D (catapults tied up Hinata to gclp) HAVE FUN, HINATA-CHAAAAAAAAN! (waves)

**Lady Awesome:** Ah, no Akamaru? (steals Akamaru back from Kiba) Kiba: WHAT? Tay: (pitches Akamaru off magical cliff that just poofed there) WOOOO! Here's his jacket! (throws Naruto's jacket to Lady Awesome) ...HAVE ALL THE CHARACTERS JACKETS! (throws bundle of jackets to Lady Awesome)

**Spartan 137:** Really truly:O I feel LOVED!

**Invader-Nehima:** YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA EMOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!...oooooh...I can imagine the rescue music. XD That's FUNNY. ...Naruto clones...(scratches chin)...eenteresteeng...POTATOES! (throws potato in Invader-Nehima's face)

**PurpleNek0:** I LIVE! (dances) Um...I'll see if I can get him to wear it...might be kinda hard...(shifty eyes)

**Reject From The Back Of The Bus:** (screams) COCOA PUFFS! ONE OF MY WORST WEAKNESSES! OMG YOU CAN BE MY CO-CREATOR OF DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! XD Okays, one is Tay -my first name-, one Noraku -your name-, and one Adele -'cos that's my middle name-. YAY! (hugs) CO-CREATORRR! WE SHALL MAKE SASUKE AND NARUTO HAVE THE MOST BESTEST BABIES EVERRRRRRR FROM A YAOI COUPLE!1

**twitchy-chan:** OMG YOU LOOK SO AWESOME IN THAT CLOAK! (snaps picture) I'm like you. I have like...an extremely high IQ but I'm plopped down on my bum writing this crap. XD (reads review again) ...AAAAAAAHH! I SO SORRY! (grabs leg) NEJI COMING NEXT, PINKY PROMISE OF HAPPY! ...I NEED THE CHARACTERS BACK FOR THEIR CHAPPIES, D'OKAY!

**Spaz and Twitch:** ...NA-NA-NA-NA! NA-NA-NA-NA! HEY HEY HEY! GOODBYE! (pokes) Haha. NANINANINANINANINANINANINANI...NANDEEEEEEE!

**Hikari Aki:** ;-; R-really! (squeals) And you are the NEWEST MEMBER OF THE HAPPY AWESOME MAGICAL AKATSUKI! (confetti) RANDOMNESS ISLAND AHOY! (stabs self) ...owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwWWWWWWWWWWW! (squeezes brains out) I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT FOR MEEEEEEEEEE! I'M SO HAPPY NOW! XD

Okay, **Lady Inari**, sorry but it wasn't a competition, 'cos everyone wins! XD But you get...ANOTHER AKATSUKI MEMBER! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! (puts tied up Itachi on rocket) IT'S GONNA BE A BUMPY RIDE, ITACHI-KUN! (rocket zooms off toward Lady Inari) I didn't need him anymore. He has bored me. XD Everyone else! COOKIES AND NARUTO'S HAIR! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (throws cookies and hair into air) ...AH THERE'S HAIR IN MY EYEEEEEEEE! (screeches)

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARA :D

* * *

Tay: Gaara-kun, are yo-- 

Gaara: (bursts in through window)

Tay: (O.O)

Gaara: Where are my COOKIES?

Tay: Ah...funny story..see, I wanted to give the reviewers something more so--

Gaara: MR. TEDDY, ATTACK! (throws Mr. Teddy)

Mr. Teddy: ...

Tay: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (screams) GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF! (trips on the magical pebble of tripiness) Ow...

Gaara: WHERE ARE MY COOKIES!

Tay: (gives box of cookies shakily) H-h-here!

Gaara: (swipes box) COOKIES!

Tay: (holds clipboard up in front of face) G-Gaara, what was your childhood l-like?

Gaara: ...you sound like that sissy Hinata. (throws cookie at Tay's head)

Tay: (squeaks) WHAT WAS YOUR CHILDHOOD LIKE, GAARA?

Gaara: I gots a raccoon thingy put in me...lalalala. Just like Naruto! (grins)

Tay: (shocked) Did you just GRIN!

Gaara: (poops) ...EEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHH! (rolls on floor making poop stain carpet)

Tay: JUST LIKE THE GOOD OL' DAYS!

Gaara: No one liked me...everyone called Gaara "Monster" and threw rocks at meee! Mum and Dad hated Gaara, Temari and Kankuro don't UNDERSTAND GAARA! (cries) CRAZY LADY CAME AND STOLE MY EYEBROWS!

Tay: I already know that part, I wrote that story.

Gaara: WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO MEEEEEEEE! (shakes Tay)

Tay: (shrugs) I was bored.

Gaara: GAARA HAS NO EYEBROWS NOW! (flings poop all over room)

Tay: Hey, it's not ME who made it so you didn't, that's just my story. Masashi Kishimoto, the genius creator of Naruto, made it so you didn't have any!

Gaara: ...(evil Gaara grin)

Tay: ...

Gaara: (evil Gaara laugh)

Tay: ...O...OH NO, GAARA, YOU ARE NOT THINKING THAT!

Gaara: ..(shifty eyes)...MR. TEDDY, ATTACK!

Tay: NO, NO NO NO NO! DON'T TAKE HALF OF LEE'S EYEBROWS!

Gaara: Huh...Gaara was gonna make Kishimoto change all Gaara's pictures to have eyebrows, but...THAT'S GREAT IDEA!

Tay: (slaps Gaara) Gaara-kun! You will NOT leave this room until we have finished our session!

Gaara: Aw, man! (pouts)

Tay: (O.O) POUTING GAARA! (takes picture)

Gaara: What's that?

Tay: This is a camera!

Gaara: ...(flings Mr. Teddy at wall)

Tay: AH MR. TEDDY IS ALL POOPY NOW!

Gaara: (pulls out another teddy) GENERAL FLOPPKINS! SAVE MR. TEDDY! (flings General Floppkins at wall)

Tay: (takes notes)

Gaara: GENERAL FLOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSS! IT'S TOO STRONG FOR THEM! RETREAT, MY TEDDIES, RETREEEEEEEEAAAAATTTTTTTTT! (grabs teddies off wall)

Tay: Gaara, are the teddies okay? (reaches out)

Gaara: (smacks Tay) NO TOUCHIES!

Tay: Gaara...would you like to look like Mr. Teddy and General Floppkins? (grins)

Gaara: ...YESH! (jumps up)

Tay: (pulls out Panda Suit) Courtesy of a faithful reviewer, PurpleNek0!

Gaara: (leaves room)

Tay: ...

* * *

(silence...SILENCE MUST BE HEARD!) 

(liek zomfg. I cannot hear anything.)

(EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE)

* * *

Tay: Are you done yet, Gaara-kun! 

Gaara: (walks in room with panda suit on)

(DOO-DEE-DOO! TA-DA MUSIC HERE!)

Tay: Holy crap, Saki-chan got it right!

Sakiko: (death glare toward Tay)

Tay: ...what?

Gaara: It's HOOOOOOOOT GAARA HOT GAARA HOT GAARA HOT!

Tay: (stuffs ice in Gaara's panda suit)

Gaara: (screeches)

Tay: Gaara-kun, what is your dream?

Gaara: (simmers down) To rule teddy world!

Tay: I see, I see. (takes notes) Can I poke you, Gaara-kun?

Gaara: (O.O) Gaara no wanna be poked.

Tay: Pretty please? (pouts)

Gaara: (backs away) GAARA NO WANNA BE POKED!

Sephiroth: (prods Gaara with sword) I have a sword, you don't. Haha.

Tay: SEPHY-KUUUUUUUUUUUNN! (glomps)

Gaara: MR. TEDDY, DESTROY THE INTRUDER!

Mr. Teddy: (stares blankly)

Sephiroth: (screams like little girl) IT'S BURNING A HOLE THROUGH MY BRAAAAAAIIIIIIIN! (runs away)

Tay: Aw, MAN! Gaaaaaaarrrraaaaaaaa! That was my chance to kiss Sephy!

Gaara: Gaara get anymore questions?

Tay: Oh, right. Golly, I don't know what's wrong with me! I'm always getting side-tracked! Okay, but Gaara, what do you think of when I say, "TEDDY"

Gaara: GAARA WILL RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULE! (shines in almighty blinding glory)

Neji: ACK! (dies again)

Squirrel #923465128736842754: KYUUUUU! (revives Neji)

Daisy: (soaks Neji's underwear in orange juice) FUFUFUFUFUFUFU!

Neji: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (faints)

Squirrel #43858658: MMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (rips Neji's ear off)

Tay: NEJI, WILL YOU JUST GO! He's all yours, Twitchy-chan! (kicks off to Twitchy)

(squirrels run away)

Tay: Gaara, if I gave you the choice of...Neji or Lee...which would you choose to love and cherish forever?

Random Yaoi fangirls: (eat popcorn and stare)

Gaara: ...(whimpers)...Gaara not ready for relationship yet! (uber cute innocent pose)

Gaara fangirls: (swoon)

Tay: (takes 14351357 pictures) Gaara-kun, who's your best friend?

Gaara: MR. TEDDY AND GENERAL FLOPPKINS! ...AND NEJI AND LEE!

Random Yaoi Fangirls: OMG IT'LL BE A THREESOME! (group faint)

Tay: ...my ears...I want them to be torn off...BUUUUUUUUUUUUT. I'm a yaoi fangirl myself, so...(falls over)

Gaara: I'm tired...(rubs eyes)

Tay: (snaps many more pictures) Gaara-kuuuuuuun! What is it like to live in the happy house?

Gaara: Too white. But Gaara really like happy jacket!

Tay: Aww! Tay like happy jacket too! (hugs Gaara) Makes me feel like I'm being hugged!

Gaara: No likey hugs...

Tay: (retreats) I'M SORRY! Uh...moving on! Gaara what is it l--

Gaara: KILL TEDDYZILLA!

Mr. Teddy: ...

Gaara: (gasps) AND MR. TEDDY SWOOOPS IN AND PUNCHES TEDDYZILLA! ZRRRRRRRRRWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFF! (bangs Mr. Teddy and General Floppkins together)

Tay: (takes notes)

Gaara: BING! TEDDYZILLA WILL NOT GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT! AND...**POOOOOOOOWWWWW**! SUPERTEDDY WINS AGAIN!

Tay: (stares)

Gaara: Wanna play?

Tay: (throws fangirl at Gaara) NEXT QUESTION! Gaara-kun, what is it like being Kazekage?

Gaara: Gaara gets control over AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL of village! (smiles)

Tay: (gapes)

Gaara Fangirls: (die of over-swoonage)

Squirrel Army: CH--

Tay: NO!

Squirrel Army: ...?

Tay: They're...fine the way they are...

Squirrel Army: (scamper off to revive other dead things)

Gaara: (picks up squirrel soldier and stuffs in mouth)

Tay: GAARA!

Gaara: (spits out)

Tay: Squirrels aren't healthy to eat, Gaara.

Gaara: Gaara didn't know that...Gaara ate lots of squirrels over past couple days.

Tay: Uh-oh.

Gaara: ...(whimpers)

Tay: (OAO) NONONONONONO, DON'T CRY, GAARA! Uh...uh...(holds up Mr. Teddy) MR. TEDDY WILL BE SAD IF YOU DO!

Gaara: MR. TEDDY! (grabs) No be sad...Gaara not cry if crying make Mr. Teddy unhappy.

Tay: Wow, that's like..the most mature thing you've said so far this interview.

Gaara: (glare)

Tay: (holds hands up) DON'T HURT ME!

Gaara: (strokes Mr. Teddy)

Tay: Gaara-kun, what do you think of...ahhh...(flips through pages)...sand?

Gaara: Gaara likes sandcastles! (bounces)

Tay: And Mr. Teddy and General Floppkins?

Gaara: They LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE sandcastles! (grins)

Tay: Aw, wonderful! (smiles)

Gaara: Mr. Teddy says...you're a slut.

Tay: (covers ears) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!exclamation mark!1111111one1 NOT AGAIN!

Gaara: And General Floppkins says you need to seek help from Kiba...'cos...KIBA!

Kiba: What am I s'possed to do?

Tay: (hits with newspaper) BAD KIBA! OUTSIDE! BAAAAAAAAAAD! KIBA, NONONONO! (smacks and kicks out window)

Kiba: BARK! (splats on pavement)

Tay: (O.O...) I'll see you in your chappie, Kiba-kun!

Gaara: Gaara's lonely. (snuggles bears) All better!

Tay: Can I touch you NOOOOOOOW, Gaara-kun?

Gaara: (flings poop at Tay)

Tay: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHHH! IT'S ALL DRY AND CRUSTY AND SMELLY! (flails arms)

Gaara: BWAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAA!

Tay: Okay, that's IT! TIME OUT, GAARA!

Gaara: (cries)

Tay: Ah...a...ahh...(shifty eyes)

Gaara Fangirls: WHAT DID YOU DO! (random cracks of knuckles, growls, toe-picking, and mumbles heard throughout group)

Tay: (holds clipboard in front of face) NO! NONONO! IT ISN'T WHAT YOU THINK!

Gaara Fangirl Leader: Hmph. It better not be, bitch.

Tay: MYYYYYYYYY EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAARRRSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! (rolls on...poopy floor)

Tay's Ears: (light on fire)

Tay: (screams)

Gaara: (spits on Tay's ears)

Tay: Thanks much! (collects spit in jar off of ears)

Gaara: ...ewwwwww...Gaara no likey that!

Tay: Umm...AH MY MIND! (holds head)

Gaara: (whimpers) What's wrong?

Tay: I just...saw this episode of the Outer Limits where this insane man revived his dead son and turned him into a robot and then he turned himself into a robot too! I DON'T LIKE ROBOTS! UEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNN! (bursts into tears)

Gaara: Umm...um..uh...a...JUST A SHOW! NOT REAL! Mr. Teddy and General Floppkins say so!

Tay: Okay, um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um. SATOSHI-KUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! (glomps Satoshi doll)

Gaara: Who's Satoshi?

Tay: Sorry about that, going through a obsessive streak. This month, it is SATOSHI FROM DN ANGEL! (grins)

Gaara: ...um...what's DN Angel?

Tay: Gaara, do you like Naruto?

Gaara: HE'S MY OTHER BEST FRIEND! (squeals)

Tay: OMG YOU JUST SQUEALED! DO IT AGAIN!

Gaara: ...?

Tay: Aw...(pouts)

Gaara: (squeals)

Tay: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! I MUST BE THE LUCKIEST PERSON ALIVE TO HEAR GAARA-KUN SQUEAL! (hugs)

Gaara: Think fast! (throws Mr. Teddy)

Mr. Teddy: (lands on Tay's face)

Tay: OOMPH!

Gaara: GO, FLOPPKINS! (throws General Floppkins)

Tay: (catches) Gaara-kun, I believe I have found the root to your problem!

Gaara: (tips head to side) Problem?

Tay: Teddy-bears. I believe when you were shunned away by everyone, you made...Mr. Teddy and General Floppkins your best friends. Now it's a little bit...obsessive.

Gaara: (punches Tay)

Tay: (sniff) GAARA-KUN, THAT H-H-HURT REALLY B-BAD! (cries)

Gaara: Gaara NOT obsessive!

Tay: BAD GAARA! (cries more) YOU ARE YOU ARE YOU ARE! YOUR APPOINTMENT IS OVER, NOW GET OUT!

Gaara: ...(walks towards door)

Tay: (sniffle)

Gaara: (hugs Tay)

Tay: ...

Gaara: (hugs tighter)

Tay: ...(hugs)

Gaara: (waves and waddles out in panda suit)

Tay: (waves sadly)

* * *

Sakiko: EVERYBODY NOW! AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! (squeals)

* * *

LIKE OMG THAT WAS A TOTAL SOAP OPERA! (shoots computer) 

Ah...it's 3:16 in the friggin morning...TT I'm tired, so gimmee a break PLEASE!

Reviewers get...PIRATE HATS! AND ROSES AND COOKIES! NO COMPETITION (sorry, Lady Inari)!

Next Chapter: NEJI! (See, Twitch:D I'm gonna do Neji-jiji! XD)


	5. NEJI!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH PLEASE DON'T HATE ME FOR NOT UPDATING WITHIN A DAY! -cowers in corner crying- I'VE BEEN REALLY SICK LATELY! TTTT I'm so sorry soooooo sorry my wonderful readers...-cries more- 

I feel horrible about not updating. :( Whenever I was going to take the chance to update, Mum came in and said if we didn't get off then we'd be grounded from the computer, and that would've delayed the post even MORE. So I obeyed, but I'M BACK! ...yet still sick...;;; But I'm trying to use all my willpower to write this. I'm depressed...maybe I should choose another time. Umm...I wanna make you people happy but I want to read Loveless and watch more Ouran High School Host Club! --...wah. Curses, foiled again.

Umm...OH! 1900+ hits:D But only 65 reviews which breaks my fragile little heart. Wahhhhhhh...SPEAKING OF REVIEWS:

**the most OOC writer around:** YEAH SOAP OPERA! I dunno why I made it like that 'cos I really do hate soap operas, but I had to put in a mushy-googely-spoo moment in there. :D I'm so glad you still like it!

**Hikari Aki:** SATOSHIIIIIIIIIII! (huggles doll) DON'T KILL LADY INARI PLEASE! Umm...ummumumumum...YOU GET SASORI! .;; He's just as good! (pushes Sasori on roller skates to Hikari Aki) ...maybe I will sneak you into one of my sessions...(evil smirk)...LICENSE! (throws license into Mordor) GO GET IT, FRODO!

**Superior Steel:** Huh...there might be something in the chips and food. O.O But who knows. Maybe they all just let out their true selves since it's just a simple therapy session.

**PurpleNek0:** YAAAAAAAAAAAY! Neji does have some pretty weird issues, let me give you that sneak peak. He and TenTen use the same shampoo? Wow. Know wonder they're lusting after eachother. XD haha.

**A Dallop A Daisy:** Tay is glad Daisy like orange juice! But Tay will get Neji to like orange juice even if it kills Tay. (twinkle in eyes)

**Invader-Nehima:** PARROTS AND POTATO ZOMBIES! (screams and runs in circles) I'll try to get Neji's makeup to you before end of session...It might be tough, but...I got Gaara to put on a panda suit and I got Naruto to let out his emo side, so this should really be a cakewalk, I guess.

**twitchy-chan:** DON'T KILL SQUIRREL #43858658! I'll give you this pictures if you promise not to kill Squirrel #43858658...okay? (copies pictures and hands to Twitch)

**Jinn Twins:** GAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

**foxes-n-blood-n-tears-never...:** I'm gonna do them later. Right now I'm doing like...I guess you could say, "my favorite characters". Kakashi and Iruka are surprisingly not far up there. XD Did it creep you out? O.O

**Lady Awesome:** ...Would you like their shirts next? Just the guys though, I think the girls can keep their shirts..O.o But I'd love to see all the Naruto hotties running around trying to find something to cover themselves with. XD But then again, I'm just a lazy pervert. (throws Neji's shirt) HERE YOU GO! ...don't worry, Neji'll know that he's missing it...(shifty eyes and laughs)

**Reject From The Back Of The Bus:** YEAH! Cute wittle foxy-woxy bubbly fuzz cutie pies! (swoons) WITH FOX EARS AND SMALL LITTLE FOXY TAILS! OOHOHOHOHOHOHO! I guess Gaara is a mix between a raccoon and a panda...but that kind of scares me. O.o

**Lady Inari:** Ha. I know. I just felt like picking on someone. XD Poor Kisame-kun. (hits Kisame over head with spoon) SUCK IT UP, SHARK BOY!

**mokomel:** Yes he is. :) But he actually kind of...ran over a few old ladies on the way back to his big sandcastle so...O.O I'll be sure to mail him your cookies!

**Haru'sbitch:** Should I make the randomness off the charts:D That'd be awesome. I think I'll try adding more stuff in here.

_Warning:_ Mild nut-kickage, bazooka violence, possibly-bipolar psycho therapist, fangirl exposions, insane guest appearances, underwear abuse, and much more..

NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEJJJJJJJJIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

* * *

Tay: ...Neji?

(no answer)

Tay: Neji, are you out there? Umm...it's your turn now, I mean Gaara's gone, an--

Neji: (busts through wall) OLLY-OLLY-OXENFREEEEEEEEEEEEE! (shoots bazooka)

Tay: OH MY LORD! (ducks behind chips)

Tay's Computer: (explodes)

Tay: THAT COST ME A YEAR'S PAY! NEJI, WHAT THE HECK!

Neji: I thought you were Godzilla.

Tay: ...I'm a girl, I'm 5'5", and I speak English. Godzilla is a whosinwilfer, he's like...a bazillion feet tall, and he speaks Godzillian. HOW COULD YOU THINK I WAS GODZILLA, YOU IDIOT?

Neji: IT IS FATE THAT WE MEET, GODZILLA! (shines in almighty Neji glory)

Random Fangirls: (sigh)

Tay: I'm now Godzilla.

Neji: ...godzilla...(glares)

Tay: (steals makeup)

Neji: OMG!

Tay: CATCH, INVADER-NEHIMA! (tosses)

Invader-Nehima: (catches) YES! (hops away)

Neji: (cries)

Tay: ...lalalala...

Neji: Hey...where's my shirt?

Lady Awesome: (runs in covered in many jackets) MUAHAHAAHHAHHAA! I RULE THE NARUTO CLOTHING! (jumps out window)

Neji: (watery eyes)

Tay: AWWW NEJI! (gives towel)

Neji: (wraps towel around self)

Random Fangirls: NOOOOOOOOO! MORE SHIRTLESS NEJI!

Random Fangirl #64: I'm gonna do it!

Random Trio of Fangirls: No, it's too dangerous!

Random Fangirl #64: (steals towel)

Neji: GIVE ME BACK MY TOWEL!

Tay: (takes notes)

(insert fangirl gentle-fisting fest here)

Tay: (pours melted plastic in Neji's hair)

Neji: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY HAIR! MY BEAUTIFUL, SEXY, LONG PRETTY BEAUTIFUL HOT SMOKIN' BEAUTIFUL ELEGANT SWOONY SPIFFY AWESOME SWEET DELICIOUS BEAUTIFUL EXPENSIVE GLORIOUS WONDERFUL MANLY BEAUTIFUL GAY HANDSOME LOVELY B--

Tay: I get the point. The problem's obviously your hair.

Daisy: (runs in room holding Neji's underwear) UNDIES!

Tay: ...and your undies.

Neji: Mr. Migglyboo!

Tay: Does EVERYONE name some inanimate object in this fanfic? Wait...this is a fanfic? Am...am I...(teary eyes)...REAL?

--

Man in Black #1: She knows too much.

Man in Black #2: Do it.

(bright flash)

--

Tay: I like pineapples...(hugs Neji's hair)

Neji: Give. Me. Back. My. UNDIES YOU B----!

Tay: HaHA! I got my ears curse word proofed during my last visit to the doctor! (strikes a pose)

Daisy: (soaks underwear in orange juice) I RULE THE ORANGE JUICE!

Neji: NOOOOOOO! IT'LL STAIN! (makes move for undies)

Daisy: MUAHHAAHAAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAAAAA! (pours chocolate syrup in Neji's hair)

Tay: Ewwww...it looks like poo.

Daisy: Well, lets make it real poo! (grabs poo from wall ((with gloves)) and smears on Neji's head)

Neji: GAARA POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP! (screams bloody murder)

Tay: Haha.

Daisy: HahaHA!

Tay: HahahahahahaHAAA!

Daisy: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!

Tay: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

_**Meanwhile...**_

Neji: (cries) Hair...

Neji Fangirls: Aww, Neji-KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

Random Fangirl #Z: (hugs Neji) Neji, don't cry!

Neji: (gentle-fists fangirl)

Random Fangirl #Z: (flies off into oblivion)

_**Back to the Laugh-off between reviewer and authoress...**_

Daisy: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Tay: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. HA HA...HA HA HA HA HA HA...HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. (faints)

Daisy: (falls over from over laughing)

Sakiko: (walks in) Pitiful. (throws Daisy out of broken window) Tay...

Tay: (snore)

Sakiko: (slaps Tay)

Tay: (drool)

Sakiko: Eww. (pries open Tay's eye) Wake up, Tay...

Tay: Mmmnhn...2 more minutes, Mum...(rolls over)

Sakiko: (takes out megaphone) WAKE UP, TAY!

Tay: HAWHAT! Oh. Neji...NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEJJJJJJJIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-JIIIIIII-JIIIIIIII!

Neji: Huh?

Tay: What is your opinion on being a lower class than Hinata?

Neji: MAIN BRANCH SUCKS. LET'S GO EGG THEM.

Tay: Awesome...

(insert Neji and Tay taking break to egg Main Branch House)

Tay: OH MY FRIGGIN LORD, THAT WAS FUN! (squeals)

Neji: (squeals)

Tay: (gasp) You sound like Gaara when you do that! DO IT AGAIN, PLEEEEEEEEEEASE!

Neji: Then that would be $57.

Tay: (gapes)

Random Fangirls: WE HAVE MONEY! (wave money in air)

Neji: I only do one squeal per day, so NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHH. (sticks tongue out)

Random Fangirls: (break down in tears)

Neji: There's a price to be sexy. (flips plastic chocolate Gaara poop filled hair)

Tay: Neji...stick your tongue out again.

Neji: ...?

Tay: It'll be FUN!

Neji: (sticks tongue out)

Tay: (touches) HA, STUPID FANGIRLS, I TOUCHED HIS TONGUE!

Random Fangirls: NOOOOO! (explode)

Squirrel Army: CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! (revive)

Neji: Tay...open sesame!

Tay: (opens mouth)

Neji: (pours boiling water on tongue)

Tay: (screams) WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU GUYS!

Neji: (shrugs) That's why I'm seeing you.

Tay: Oh...that's right. Your problem is undies and hair. I forgot. (taps pencil against head) Neji-ji-ji, do you like Gaara?

Neji: MIDGET!

Tay: ...?

Neji: What? ...Godzillaaaaaa? (evil grin)

Tay: NO I'M NOT GODZILLA! (defensive position)

Neji: Good.

Tay: Who is your BESTESTESTESTESTESTESTESTEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD!

Daisy: (jumps back in) ME!

Neji: No. (snatches undies)

Daisy: (kicks in nuts) IDIOT!

Neji: OH S---! (falls over)

Tay: Hahahahahahhaah! I HAVE NO WEAKNESS NOW! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I will take OVER THIS SORRY EXCUSE OF A WORLD! (insert evil pose and laughter of your choice here)

Neji: (writes down s--- on paper and shows to Tay)

Tay: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (blown away)

Neji: My best friend is...

Tay: (leans forward)

Neji: (takes breath)

Random Fangirls: (lean in)

Neji: (takes bigger breath)

Tay: (scoots toward Neji)

Random Fangirls: (gasp and lean in)

Neji: (takes REEEEEEALLY big breath)

Tay: (touches nose to nose with Neji)

Random Fangirls: (cry) Why is she so close to Neji-kuuuuuuun!

Neji: (flicks Tay in nose)

Tay: ACK! (holds nose)

Random Fangirls: (relief sigh)

Neji: HA! I WIN, GODZILLA! (triumphant pose)

Random Fangirls: (explode again)

Squirrel Army: CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUYUUUUUU! (revive again)

Tay: HOW DO I PROVE TO YOU THAT I'M NOT GODZILLA!

Neji: ...(smirk)

Random Fangirls: NOOOOOOOOOOOO NEJI, NOOOOO! (groups cry)

Tay: I canNOT get involved with anymore clients! I'm already happily married! ...even though I kinda sorta catapulted him off to a fangirl...

Lady Inari: HEY!

Tay: I-I MEAN A WONDERFUL REVIEWER! (hugs Lady Inari)

Lady Inari: Itachi is VERY happy with me and Kisame, thank you very much!

Neji: Ew, don't even THINK that! I mean, even if I was straight--

Random Fangirls: (explode)

Squirrel Army: CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! (revive)

Random Fanboys: OMG YAY!

Tay: Er...

Neji: --what's with them? Well, back to what I was saying; Even if I WAS straight, I could pick up WAAAAAAAAAAAY better chicks than you.

Tay: (whimpers)...(sniffle)...

Sakiko: (sighs and turns on music)

(insert tragic violin solo music here)

Tay: (hiccups)

Sakiko: (walks over and hugs Tay)

Tay: (hugs Sakiko and cries) SAKI-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! NEJI SAID I'M AN AWFUL PERSON! I'M NOT SMART OR PRETTY OR HAPPY OR GIRLY OR ANYTHING! WHY CAN'T I JUST DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEE!

Neji: (sweatdrop) I just said I could pick up way better chicks, Godzilla.

Tay: NEEEEEEEEEJIIIIIIIIIIIII HAAAAAAAATES MEEEEEEEEE! (sobs)

Sakiko: Neji, if you don't apologize she'll be like this the rest of the appointment.

Neji: Hmm...I guess I could deal with it. She's just crying.

Sakiko: (Sakiko's trademark Glare of DOOM)

Tay: (screeches)

Neji: (cringes) ALRIGHT ALRIGHT, I'M SORRY, GODZILLA!

Tay: (sniffle)

Random Fangirls: NEJI! (cry)

Neji: You people don't get the treatment.

(insert fangirl limbs flying everywhere due to super-mega-explosion here)

Sakiko: ALL OVER MY FAVORITE OUTFIT, GOD! (storms out)

Squirrel Army: (gasp for breath) ...CHUU...UUU...UUUUUUUUUUUU...(revive)

Tay: N-Neji...(hiccup)...how w-was your relationship w-with your parents?

Neji: They BORED ME.

Tay: (regains composure) Okay, Neji, what was your childhood like?

Neji: THE BIRDS!

Tay: (screams)

Neji: (screams)

Orochimaru: (screams)

Tay: GET OUT OF HERE! (kicks out broken window) Man...I really need to get that thing fixed or at least get Gaara to use the door.

Gaara: (bursts in through chair)

Tay: WHAT THE HECK?

Gaara: I RULE BROKEN OBJECTS AND TEDDIES!

Tay: (stomps back into chair) YOU GUYS (stomp) ARE (stomp) SO (stomp) RUDE! (super stomp)

Gaara: Wooooooooooo! (squiggles into fluffy oblivion of chair)

Neji: (looks into chair) ...I wanna go too! (makes move to jump in)

Tay: (grabs arm ((he has no shirt, remember?)) and pulls back) You'll regret that later.

Neji: Aw, d---.

Tay: HA. You stupid curser.

Neji: (grabs paper and pencil)

Tay: NEJI NO!

Neji: (pauses)

Tay: Umm...one last question before you go.

Neji: (crumples up paper and smiles happily)

Tay: ...wait...(taps pen to head)...Oh, who would you make love to in Naruto: Gaara, TenTen, Lee, or Naruto?

Random Fangirls: (wide-eyed stares)

Random Fanboys: (cross fingers)

Squirrel Army: (get ready to revive exploded fans)

Neji: ...WHO TOOK MY SHIRT AND WHO TOOK MY EAR! (cocks bazooka)

Lady Awesome: 'TWAS ME ALL ALONG! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAA! (runs in circles and out of room)

Squirrel #43858658: CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! (runs away with Lady Awesome)

Neji: GET BACK HERE, YOU SHIRT AND EAR STEALERS! (chases)

Random Fangirls, Fanboys, and Squirrel Army: (sigh)

Tay: ...I guess session's over then:D Yay! (leaps in joy)

Neji: DIE GODZILLA! (shoots)

Tay: MEEP! (jumps into hole in the chair)

* * *

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I'm a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad child...I can't believe it took me this long to update. TT.TT No killing Tay. Tay doesn't like to be revived by squirrels.

I think next chapter MAAAAAAAAAAAAY just be a filler chapter, in which would be my adventure in the hole in the chair. I dunno, I'd need you guys to vote on whether to do it or not. (shrugs)

SOOOOOOO. WE HAVE A POLL!

**Should I make a filler chapter about my adventure in the chair?**

**Choice A: YESYESYESYESYES!**

**Choice B: That's a stupid idea. Tay: (cries)**

**Choice C: I dunno.**

**Choice D: MOMBODOGFACEINTHEBANANAPATCHTANGOHEADFLOORCURVYSQUARE.**

There's the poll. Choose wisely...it will change the fate of me (Tay)...FOREVER...(fog rolls in)

(coughs and swishes fog out of face) Saki-chan! Too much fog!

Sakiko: (groan)

Thank you, Saki-chan! Okay...in order to be inspired, guess what you, my wonderful amazing readers must do?

Neji: GODZILLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (runs towards Tay)

OH SNAP! REVIEW! (runs away)


	6. TEAM KURENAI!

I'M THE WORST AUTHORESS EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! (drops to knees and cries) I haven't updated in a week er something like that! But I'm so sorry...I have some virus and I have NO IDEA when it'll take a vacation. 

Okay...many of you picked choice A or D...MUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. Choice D just so happened to be another version of...doo-dee-doo!...CHOICE A! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

I'm so happy you people actually acknowledged my poll...(tears of joy)...(cough) But. I have decided to make my adventure in the chair another story. Guess what it will be called? XD TAYTAY IN WONDERLAND! WOOOOOOOOO!

Haha. So, for the people really looking forward to Kiba's interview, I wanted to make them happy. This way, the people who want the Chair Adventure will get it, just not in this story, and the Kiba fangirls will get what they've been waiting for...

...I just rambled off and I lost my train of thought...ummmmmmmmm. Argh. Darn you memory loss...REVIEW REPLIES! YOU GUYS' FAVORITE PART, YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

..wait...I need to sort the reviews...

(insert that doo-dee-doo-doo doo-dee-doo Jeopardy music here)

DONE!

**Elvan Princess:** YOSH! That's what I'm aiming for! Haha. And yes, I suffer from ADD. It really stinks...got it from Mum. And Hinata is coming in this chapter along with Kiba and Shino.

**MiyonUchiha:** FUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYY! YAY! I'm sorry I probably didn't update at the time you wanted...TT3TT Forgive me.

**twitchy-chan:** HOLY SHIZ THAT REVIEW WAS LONG! Haha. You're a fangirl...(shifty eyes)...(ties up Allen Walker and runs away)...go ahead and kill the squirrel. It has BORED ME. Just like Itachi...(shoots darts at Itachi)...BORING. Yayz. You are so random. XD You could be my...CO-CO-CREATOR! (trumpets sound)

**EvilFuzzy9:** (pats back) Don't be sorry. :) You're getting your chapter now, and that chapter will be in another story. (hugs)

**PurpleNek0:** YAY YOU'RE NOT MAD! (dances) Poll answer received...I'm a robot. (shoots laser beams out of eyes)...Hahahaahahha!

**A Dallop A Daisy:** ORANGE JUICE, YAAAAAAAY! (kicks out window)

**mokomel:** You never know...(smirk)..I can make him iarewngaeirngvfdamsexual for all I care. (laughs) I don't even know what that is. KIBA WILL COME! (points in random direction)

**Lady Inari:** A happy Akatsuki member is a...happy thing. :D They'd better be good. YOU HEAR THAT PRETTY-BOY AND SHARKMAN! (holds up spatula) Itachi and Kisame: (scream like little girls)

**Invader-Nehima:** PIE-BAZOOKA! (squeals) PIE ME! (stands up straight) ...You shall JOIN ME ON MY QUEST! In: TayTay in Wonderland! (sparkles)

**Superior Steel:** AYE, CAP'N CRUNCH! (throws food at Superior Steel) EAT TO YOUR HEART'S CONTENT, FOOL! MUAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! (evil laughter)

**VixenOfDeath809:** Aww, I'm not mad. :) I'm glad you're back on! XD Hmmmm...when should Orochimaru come? ...SATOSHI-KUN! (stabs Sasuke with pineapple and runs away with Allen & Satoshi) HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHA! THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH! (glomps)

**Mrs. Kyou Sohma:** SQUIRRELS! I got that idea from watching a squirrel dig up acorns in my backyard. It looked like he was digging up a body...then I threw a rock at it, but I missed. Yayz. Sorry I can't promise the filler chap though. ;-; But it'll be another story, ne?

**the most OOC writer around:** SQUIRRELS WILL RULE US AAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! (sings opera) YAYAYAYAYAYAAY! You'll get...KAKASHI'S MASK WHEN HE COMES! XD I SHALL MAKE YOU WAIT! (dances)

**Blizzaris:** You shall be in THIS chapter...if that's alright. YOSH.And isn't that an awesome song! I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE Nightwish. They're a really good group.

**happychica:** D! MOMBODOGFACEINTHEBANANAPATCHTANGOHEADFLOORCURVYSQUARE:D Okayz! (hugs)

**Reject From The Back Of The Bus:** (nuzzles) Thankies. And you are...BRILLIANT! I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GONNA DRAW THOSE SASUNARU BABIES! (punches air) ...harem, eh? X3 (stuffs Allen and Satoshi in box and hides in hole)

**Lady Awesome:** XD I never knew I could make someone laugh so hard! (falls over) UNDIES! (throws Neji's extra undies at Lady Awesome) ...Kiba fangirl...(grins and runs away dragging box of bishies)

**Hikari Aki:** (catapults boxed Deidara) One Deidara, ready for glomping! Deidara: No I'm NOT! Tay: (tranquilizes) And here's a lock of Itachi-kun's hair. (hands lock) ...PARTY FOR SAKI-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! Sakiko: What was that? Tay: Uh...umm...er...(tranqulizes)

**crazybritoutforevange:** Neji has MANY fangirls, ne? XD As for me I really don't like Neji...weird...FANGIRL! HHAHAHAHHAHAH! Nah, I'm just being mean. :) It's good that you're unselfish! (pats head) I'm not selfish either! WE'RE TWINS! (dances more and kicks Neji to Neverland)

**yuki akira:** Would you like that for here or to go? And would you like some pickles...or cheese-its with that order?

**Spartan 137:** If it's funny...LAUGH LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW! LIKE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (tranquilizes)

**Spiritual Wolf:** ...(cough)...HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHLALAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Oh my death note, that was a lot of reviews. (faints) But...it makes me feel so good. ;-; Makes me feel loved...

ON WITH...KIBAHINATASHINONESS! ...yes, it's the whole team of them, got a problem?

* * *

Tay: Come in! 

Kiba: (rides in on dog sled) MUSH! (whips random husky)

Shino: ASOEINFASDLKMFALSKMDFALSNDMMMM. (floats in through chair on giant beetle)

Tay: OH MY LORD! (hides behind clipboard)

Shino: (whimpers)

Hinata: (walks in)

Tay: HOLY! YOU JUST WALKED IN!

Hinata: ...?

Tay: That hasn't happened in SOOOOOOOOO long!

Hinata: u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-uuasreatesf-gaergarsa-uummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...N-n-n-n-n-Naruto.

Tay: Shut up, Hinata, I've heard enough from you. (slaps) Now then. Team...!...(flips through papers)...Kurenai, right?

Kiba: HALLABALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WOOF! (rolls over)

Tay: ...Who let you inside, mutt?

Kiba: (whimpers and nuzzles Tay's leg) Can I PLEEEEEEEEASE stay in?

Tay: (sighs) Fine, fishhead.

Kiba: Shouldn't that be that shark dude's nickname?

Tay: (points to broken window)

Kiba: NOOOOOOOO! (hides behind Hinata)

Tay: Good. Shino, how are you?

Shino: Hmph.

Tay: YOU JUST SAID SOMETHING! O09IPLK! (squeals)

Hinata: W-w-w-w-well, I-i-i-i'm j-j-j-j-j--

Tay: SHUT IT, HINATA. (slaps again)

Hinata: EEP!

Tay: Now. (smiles sweetly) What was your latest mission, Shino?

Shino: hmm, hpmpmpmph hpmpmhpmpmhmmrpmmhpm hmphmhp emh e mhprmmh mh.

Tay: ...(squeals)...er...what was that again?

Hinata: H-h-h-he--

Tay: (throws broken computer at Hinata) HUSH! Kiba, can you translate for Shino?

Kiba: We went on a mission for this group of weird people to recover a shard of this gay pink jewel. This one guy kept spazzing out over some "Naraku" and hitting me, though, so we didn't complete the mission until this morning.

Inuyasha: What you losers GOT US was a cheap plastic TOOTHPICK.

Tay: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAAYAYY! INUYASHA! (glomps)

Kiba: It was a shard, I swear.

Tay: Don't swear, Kiba. I like to keep it...pure...in this room. (random wind blows through hair)

Tay fanboys: (swoon)

Tay: I have fanboys! (gapes) I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! (pokes random fanboy #q3598y)

Random Fanboy #q35998y: KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (spazzes out)

Tay: Ha...now this is what I call a harem...COME, MY SLAVE HUSBANDS! (motions fanboys forward)

Tay Fanboys: (come forward)

Tay: Now...FIND ME CAP'N JACK SPARROW! I MUST ADD HIMTO MY HAREM!(points west)

Tay Fanboys: (run off)

Tay: Hahahhaa.

Hinata: (coughs)

Tay: (glares) Hinata...(holds beer bottle)

Hinata: (hides under rock twitching violently)

Shino: HMMJMJMSOASDUHAS!

Tay: What?

Kiba: You drink?

Tay: No! I'm WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY underage.

Kiba: Then how did you get this job if you're under 21? (eyes)

Tay: Ahem. Kiba, what would you do if I...(shoots puppy)

Kiba: ERK! (holds chest)

Tay: (smirk) Ah...heheheeeeeeeeeeeeh...I see. (shoots Akamaru)

Kiba: ...

Tay: ...? Akamaru means nothing to you?

Kiba: Nope.

Tay: Hn.

Sasuke: (slaps) THAT'S MY LINE.

Tay: Oh no it isn't, EMO TOMATO FAIRY. (throws random fanboy #e98aher)

Sasuke: (sniffles)...I...eh..ngh...(runs away crying)

Tay: Stupid friggin emo. Needs to go...(mumbles)...Naruto.

Shino: (barfs)

Kiba: (holds head) MY BRAIN IS MELTING!

Hinata: (eats fork)

Tay: Hinata-chan, those aren't good to eat at all. Forks taste funny.

Hinata: O-o-o-o-o-o-oh. (barfs up fork)

Tay: (pats head) I'll be nice to you like this if you don't speak out of turn, okay?

Hinata: (nods)

Kiba: (picks nose)

Hinata: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! COOTIES! (screams)

Tay: (throws pen in Hinata's eye)

Hinata: (screeches)

Tay: (throws typewriter) I told you not to speak out of turn, Hinata. (glares)

Hinata: EE--(covers mouth)

Tay: Good girl.

Kiba: (wipes hand on Hinata)

Hinata: (muffles scream)

Tay: Now, Shino, what would YOU do if I...(squishes bug)

Shino: (clutches...ahem...lower regions...)

Tay: OH...THAT'S SICK!

Shino: (fixes glasses)

Kiba: HE TOUCHED HIS GLASSES WITH IT!

Shino: (wipes hand on Hinata)

Hinata's head: (explodes)

Blizzaris: REVIVE, MY SQUIRREL ARMY OF STRAWBERRIES! (points to Hinata's disembodied head)

Squirrel Army of Strawberries: CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAWEORINGAOFSDUUUUUUUUUUUUU! (revive)

Hinata: (comes back to life) YAY!

Tay: (punches) Hinata, who do you like?

Hinata: N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n--

Tay: NEJI! THAT HEARTLESS TWIT! INNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEST...That's WRONG...except when it comes to Hikaru and Kaoru from Ouran HS Host Club...but that's twincest...but it's SOOOOOOOOOOO friggin HOT. (fans self)

Hikaru: Oh, Kaoru...(sparkles and embraces Kaoru)

Kaoru: (blushes)Oh, Hikaru...

Tay: SWEET BISHIE TWINCEST! (gasps and snaps photos)

Hikaru: (runs off with Kaoru)

Tay: ...or Kira and Maya! (looks eagerly toward door)

Door: ...(silence)

Tay: (snaps fingers) Shoot a barrel of monkeys. Okay...Kiba, who's your best friend?

Kiba: SHINO!

Shino: (dances)

Tay: And you, Shino?

Shino: MPMPHPMPEHRM!

Tay: Kiba, translate?

Kiba: (hugs Shino) ME!

Tay: OHMYDEATHNOTEKIBASHINONESS! (kicks Hinata under rock) DON'T COME OUT FOR 16 MINUTES, HINATA.

Hinata: YES! (hides under rock)

* * *

16 minutes later...

* * *

Hinata: I'm bac-- 

Kiba: (blush)

Kiba Fangirls: (explode)

Earl of the Millenium: MORE AKUMA! (turn into akuma)

Squirrel Army of Strawberries: WTF! (chomp Earl)

Blizzaris: YES, MY MINIONS! CHOMP HIM UNTIL THERE'S NO MORE!

Earl of the Millenium: HOLY! (flies away on umbrella)

Akuma: NEEEEEEEEGHEGHGHELELGLEHEGHHH!

Blizzaris: RETREAT!

Squirrel Army of Strawberries: CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! (run away)

Shino: (continues dancing)

Tay: NOOOOOOOOOOO! SHE MUST NOT KNOW! (stomps Hinata back under rock) There.

Shino: (dances more)

Kiba: Thank God.

Tay: She would've been all in our hair if she saw you two belly dancing. Phew.

Kiba: ...(dances with Shino)

Tay: HOLD IT! (smears Kiba with sour cream)

Shino: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! (stuffs head in ground)

Tay: SHINO'S AN OSTRICH! (takes picture)

Kiba: (stuffs head in toilet)

Tay: Back to your canine instincts, eh, Kiba? (takes pictures)

Hinata: (skips out of rock) Lalalalaa...

Tay: (death glare)

Hinata: EEEEEEEEEEP! (hides under Kiba)

Tay: Hinata.

Hinata: YESSIR! (salute)

Tay: (punches) I'M A MA'AM! NOT SIR, YOU DOLT! (kicks)

Hinata: NEEEGH! (holds head)

Tay: WHAT'D YOU SAY, DOG!

Akamaru: BARK!

Tay: OLD YELLER, GET OUT! (shoots)

Akamaru: (flies into oblivion)

Akamaru fandogs: (howl)

Tay: (cocks gun) YOU WANT SOME A' THIS, YOU RATS?

Akamaru fandogs: (run away)

Shino: (takes head out of ground) Hm. (fixes glasses)

Tay: OHMIGOSH! (swoon of swoonies)

Shino fangirls: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGLEEEEEEEEEE! (swoon)

Kiba: I want my jacket. (whines)

Tay: (gasps) OOSHYBOODLEFOO! (gaspgaspswoonfaintgaspgasp)

Lady Awesome: MUUUUUUUUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHHAHAAAAAAAAAAA! (jumps into chair)

Tay: Kuso. I need a vacation. (rubs head)

Hinata: (whispers under rock) I-I-I-I-I-I t-t-think I c-c-c-c-can g-get h-h-h-her.

Tay: (sits down and rubs temples)

Hinata: N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-now's m-m-m-my c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-chance!

Tay: (looks up)

Hinata: H-H-H-H-H-HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH! (jumps into air)

Tay: (glare)

Hinata: (falls on face) MEEP! (hides in tuna can)

Kiba: JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACKET! (throws fit) JACKETJACKETPUPPYJACKET!

Tay: (stabs puppy)

Kiba: ERK! (holds chest)

Shino: (dances) Hmm...hmhmhmhmmmhhmhmhmhmhmmmm.

Tay: Shino, what is your opinion on Naruto?

Shino: Hmmmhhmhmhmhphhphhmhmhmhmhphmhmhm.

Tay: Kiba, translate, please?

Kiba: He's alright.

Tay: Good...Kiba, who would you pour weasel blood on out of the following: Naruto, Akamaru, Shino, Neji, Hinata, or random Kiba fangirl #348572394?

Kiba: DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGHHGHHHHHHHHHH...

Random fangirl #348572394: (waves hand in air) OOOH, OOHOHOHOHOHHHHHHHH! (jumps up and down)

Tay: (throws dart in eye)

Random fangirl #348572394: (screams)

Kiba: Door number 8, Tom! (grins)

Tay: (beats over head with Akamaru) MY (pound) NAME ISN'T (poundpound) TOM!

Kiba: (falls over)

Sakiko: (falls asleep)

Shino: (falls off couch)

Tay: WATERFALLS! (grins)

Hinata: (mumbles)

Tay: THAT'S IT, HINATA! SAKI-CHAN, SEND IN (you can't read this, haha)!

Sakiko: Roger. (flips switch)

Tay: Quick! Kiba, Shino, TO THE POD.

Kiba and Shino: (run into THE POD)

Tay: (closes hatch) HAHAHAHAAHHAHA! YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME, COPPERS! (puts gum in Shino's hair)

Shino: (squeak)

THE POD: (flies away)

--

The door opened revealing...

A JAR OF PEANUT BUTTER.

--

Hinata: (screams)

Peanut butter: ...

Hinata: IT'S GOING TO KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (runs in circles)

PB: (silence)

Hinata: (screams more)

PB: (silence)

Hinata: (throws Sakura into wall)

Sakura: Oww...(faints)

Hinata: (screeches)

PB: (silence)

Hinata: (stops screaming) ...eh?

PB: (silence)

Hinata: (pokes)

PB: (silence)

Hinata: Whew.

Random Akuma: RAWR! (eats)

Hinata: (dies)

--

THE POD: (crashes into wall)

Tay: Can you guys BELIEVE Itachi actually did that!

Kiba: Man, that's WEIRD!

Shino: (nods head)

Tay: But it felt so GOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Kiba: (laughs) Probably would)

Shino: (laughs)

Tay: OHMIGOSHSHINOYOU'RESOHOT! (glomps)

Random Akuma: (burps)

Tay: Thank you, Chomesuke.

Chomesuke: No problem, cho. (flies away)

Shino: Hmhmhphhphmhmhmhmh?

Kiba: He says, No more Hinata?

Tay: Nope. Thank the lord above for that!

Shino: (sighs in relief)

Allen: (runs in panting) H...have you seen...hah...the Earl of the Mil--

Tay: You just missed 'im.

Allen: D--- IT! (runs out)

**END!**

* * *

Oh my gosh I'm so sorry it took so long. TT-TT I'm so bad. Badbadbadbadbadbadbadbadbadbad Tay. Haven't been in mood to write. 

And **TayTay in Wonderland** will not be coming up for a LOOOOOOONG time since I'm in no mood to write. I'm sorry...

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

It took me 3 days to write just this interview, even. ;-; I'm so sorry. But thank you all for your support, it's really helping me.

I, Tay A. Smith, hereby give every single one of you permission to throw rocks at me. I deserve it. (cries) Pick up your rocks here at the end, get as many as you'd like. (points to pile of stones in corner)

PS: Naruto Therapy Sessions has OFFICIALLY been viewed 3000 times! (claps and dances) It might not be as much as other stories, but who am I to care?

**PSPSPSPSPPS: WHO DO I DO NEXT? I FORGOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! TT3TT**


	7. Note from Tay

**Author's Note (Yes, I, as a matter of fact, do have a formal / mature side):**

Hey, guys. Again, sorry I'm not frequently updating. (sighs) ...things haven't exactly been going that well right now. So "Naruto Therapy Sessions" will be temporarily discontinued until further notice. Why?

**1)** I received some hate mail regarding last chapter. Please, guys. I REALLY can't take curse words and insults and such! That is yet another reason I'm seeing my therapist. I haven't learned how to properly take "hatred". Probably because I'm just a little goody-goody two shoes. So, I really advise you to keep all rude comments to yourselves. As the saying goes, "No likey, **NO MOUTHING OFF THE FRIGGIN AUTHOR**." I know that you guys might like some of the characters/people I hate, and I respect that. But there isn't anything wrong with having a little harmless fun, is there? (slams hands onto desk)...NO THERE ISN'T, GOSH DARNIT. So you SHOULDN'T be mouthing off a young authoress who can't even take the most simple of insults!

**2)** I'm still sick. Haven't yet found out what it is. All I can say is that: I'm suffering from insomnia, my stomach cramps at least once a day and won't work with me, I have terrible migranes, and I can't walk well due to minor burns.

**3)** My cat, Sugar, I just found out has suffered from kidney failure. My recently passed cat, Bob, suffered from it too. Sugar isn't doing any better than Bob was. We're doing all that we can to help...but...I really don't want my baby to die...so I want to focus much attention onto him and to helping him recover, if it's not too late.

**4)** I have a block. What pops into my head when I start a new document? NOTHING. No, I haven't wasted all my "randomness" on all the other chapters and in review replies. I get blocks once to twice a month, so you'd BETTER GET USED TO IT.

**5)** School is starting in less than a month. I really ought to get ready for it. It'll be my first year of highschool (yes, I'm in highschool at 12...shut up, darnit), and I'd like it to be a successful year.

**6)** I'm trying to focus on my art as well right now. Want to see it? Go to my freaking profile and look there.

If I wasn't this young and sensitive, I'd be mouthing off you **HATERS**. (closes eyes and rubs temples) I appreciate the support and encouragement from the rest of you. Thank you very much. But for now...no story. Don't expect me to post for a little while.

Much love,

Tay


	8. I'm sorry

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...farther delay. I'm so sorry.

Sugar just passed. My baby was suffering and now he's dead.

Not updating for a long time.

Thank you all for your kindness so far, it really helps. Thank you so much.


	9. ITACHI KISAME AGAIN!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! -throws self out window- how long has it been without a chapter for my loverly folk! -crawls under rock- i have protections from your evil, you writers' block. -shakes fist- anywho, i'm better. though lost the will to capitalize. went into emo mode after sugar and both of my rats died. then my hero, steve irwin, was killed by that stingray and i went into denial AND emo mode that took me until now to get out of...though now i have a d. gray-man problem. 8D i'm obsessed! you all need to go watch the first episode on youtube. just go there and search "d. gray-man" and click on D. Gray-Man 01 Part 1/3. if you already haven't. XD luff d. gray-man wif tay, preesh! 

-swings golf club- this chap was a request from Lady Inari! LET THE CHEESE BEGIN! er...interview. -throws golf club out window- (i'll type correctly juuuuuuuust for you guys)

--------

Tay: (eats toast) Yummy yummy Mum's toast is teh best! (drinks tea) Lalalalalalala!

Lady Inari: (bursts through door)

Tay: SHAZZAM! (throws food)

Lady Inari: (hit) Oooh, toast! (eats) TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Tay: (sniffle) Num-num toast go foozimaploo...

Lady Inari: These two are NOT WORKING WITH ME! (holds up Itachi and Kisame)

Itachi: WIFE!

Tay: (growls and throws paper airplane into face)

Kisame: TAY!

Tay: KISAME! (hugs)

Random Kisame Fangirls: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Blizzaris: (snugs on army helmet) GET READY, SQUIRREL ARMY OF STRAWBERRIES!

Squirrel Army of Strawberries: KYU! (ready)

Random Kisame Fangirls: (eat ice cream)

Blizzaris: GOSH DARNIT!

Squirrel Army of Strawberries: (stand down)

Blizzaris: (burns fangirls)

Random Kisame Fangirls: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESKAFJSOREUNSDCLVSHDFRUGHWAIFDVHUREHFSDKKKKKK! (die)

Squirrel Army of Strawberries: KYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! (revive)

Squirrel #43858658: I LIVE! (rips off Itachi's leg)

Itachi: GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURGLE! (blood spills out of leg)

Tay: (twitch)

Twitchy-chan: HEY! (smacks) I'M TWITCH!

Sakiko: Tay, this is supposed to be a K+ fic! Blood spilling out of peoples' legs ISN'T K!

Tay: Oh, umm...

Itachi: (rainbows pour out of leg)

Tay: MUCH BETTER! (dances under rainbows)

Lucky: THEY'RE AFTER ME LUCKY CHARMS! (dives up Itachi's pantleg)

Lady Inari: (coughs violently)

Tay: Would you like some PEPTO BISMOL? One time that stuff made me barf AAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLL over my Sunday School dress. (grins)

Kisame: (barfs)

Tay: JUST LIKE THAT!

Lady Inari: These two need ANOTHER session! All they do is GRIPE GRIPE GRIPE! And I can't take a shower since Kisame's filth is all over my bathroom!

Random Neat-freak Fangirls: OMGTHATISSODISGUSTINGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGSHECAN'TTAKEASHOWERBECAUSETHERE'SKISAMEPOOALLOVERTHEPLACE! SHE'SUNCLEANANDMESSYANDYUCKYAND--

Lady Inari: (throws grenade)

Random Neat-freak Fangirls: (implode)

Tay: NEAT! Okay, Lady Inari! I take these two and they'll be JUST fine afterwards, isn't that right, BOYS? (holds up rusty kitchen knife)

Lady Inari: Thanks! (flies through roof) POWERPUFF GIRL!

Tay: (still holding knife)

Itachi: What are you going to DO with that!

Kisame: NONONONONONONONONONONONONO! (cries like a sissy girl)I'MTOOYOUNGTODIEICAN'TBECHOPPEDUPINTOSQUARESFORANINSANEPSYCHOTHERAPISTTOEATME!

Tay: Okay, there's two things wrong. One! Kisame, you forgot that I am a PYRO. Not just insanely-psycho (hits with knife handle)

Kisame: Whoops. Wait...I'm not a sissy girl!

Sakiko: Shut it.

Kisame: Harumph.

Tay: G' boy. Two! I'm not going to 'chopyouupintolittlesquares' I was going to 'chopupFANGIRLSintolittlesquares'.

Random Fangirls: (run away)

Tay: (throws knife)

Anko: (stabbed)...(rainbows pour out of forehead)

Tay: LET'S START! Itachi, why do you still think I'm YOUR wife?

Itachi: We got married.

Tay: Well, I got remarried again and again and again and again...and again and again and again and again! I now have a HAREM! (stands triumphantly) But my main husband now is my Ralphy-poo!

Raphael: How many times do I have to say I'm NOT YOUR HUSBAND!

Itachi: GASP! (chomps)

Raphael: GET OFF ME! (flails arm)

Kisame: (eats tub of popcorn)

Tay: I want popcorn! (puppy eyes)

Kisame: (throws tub at Tay)

Tay: (hit) OH GY MOSH! (holds head) I think my IQ just lowered!

Itachi: What was it?

Tay: Well, lets just say Tay has IQ high enough to rival Shikamaru. (grins)

Meanwhile, in some random meadow of gay unicorns and rainbows...

Shikamaru: (sneezes) ... I KNOW YOU'RE THERE!

Back

Kisame: WOW! What do you think it is now?

Tay: Probably Naruto's level.

Itachi: Ouch.

Naruto: HEY! (angriness...rrrrr...)

Tay: GO AWAY, NARUTO! YOU HAD YOUR TURN!

Naruto: (raspberry)

Tay: YOU! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (tackles)

Kisame: BACK!

Tay: Oh, right. (punches Naruto) Kisame, why you bicker so much with Itachi?

Kisame: HE WON'T TELL ME WHERE SAMEHADA IS!

Itachi: I SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW! (flail)

Kisame: I'm not so sure I can believe that, Weasel.

Tay: Weasel?

Itachi: He's been calling me that ever since we got the new Akatsuki TV. It's from the show--

Tay: I AM WEASEL!

Itachi: Yeah...

Tay: Awesome. Well, Kisame, have you ever thought about POLITELY askin' Lady Inari?

Kisame: NU! (gasps) Could she REALLY know?

Tay: Yesh, she could.

Kisame: (jumps out window)

Lady Inari: (walks in) Did someone just call me?

Tay: Kisame's lookin' for ya. (points out window)

Lady Inari: KISAME, HERE I AM! (jumps out window)

Itachi: FREEDOM! (makes move for window)

Tay: (catches Itachi's collar) NUUUUUUUUUU! YOU'RE STILL MY HUSBAND, NONETHELESS!

Neji: (bursts through door) GET HIM OFF MY UNDERPANTS! (holds up Kisame)

Kisame: But this is Samehada! (cuddles undies)

Neji: NUUUU THEY'RE WRINKLING! STOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOP! (shakes Kisame)

Tay: (steals undies)

Neji: GAH!

Kisame: GOH!

Itachi: GUU!

Tay: (smacks) Itachi, you sound like a baby when you do that. Shut up.

Itachi: (mopes)

Tay: Kisame. This is not Samehada. (holds up undies)

Kisame: WHAT!

Tay: Who said they were?

Kisame: Lady Inari.

Tay: (sigh) ...well this is of Neji's THONG from Victoria Secret.

Neji: D--- straight.

Tay: Shut it, undie man. (tosses thong out window)

Neji: MY SWEET! (jumps after it)

Kisame: But where in the world is Samehada?

Meanwhile in France...

Samehada: ...(wobbles)

Carmen Sandiego: (bites apple) So what's your story?

Back

Tay: OMG I used to play that game ALL THE TIME!

Itachi: What game?

Tay: You don't kn...oh, nevermind. (shakes head)

Tay fanboy #3: OMGWTFSHEJUSTSAIDNVMOMGGGGGGGGGGGG! (glomps Tay)

Tay: GETOFFAME! (shoves off)

Tay fanboy #3: OMGSHEJUSTTOUCHEDMEHWIFHERHANDANDSHEPRO'LYTOUCHEDHERBOOBWIFITOMGGGGG! (explode)

...(silence)

Tay: Where are the squirrels?

Blizzaris: They're takin' a vacation.

Tay: Oh...well I guess right now that's one less husband.

Allen: (shoots self)

Kanda: Two.

Tay: KANDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (glomps and kisses)

Kanda: GET THE F--- OFF ME YOU B----! (shakes off and shoots self)

Tay: Three if you count Kanda as a FUTURE husband. (shakes fist) Kanda, I'll turn you into an akuma then you'll be my AKUMA FUTURE HUSBAND! (evil laughter)

Blizzaris: We'll get to them later. (flies to Neverland)

Kisame: Aw...Samehada's gone...

Tay: Oh, I forgot we were talking about that. AnyWHOOOOOO. Kisame, you know when you lose something, it's always in your other pair of pants.

Kisame: Really? (sparkles)

Itachi: But he doesn't WEAR PANTS!

Tay: Kisame, do you wear UNDERPANTS?

Kisame: What?

Itachi: Oh gosh. (hides face) I been workin' wif an underpantsless freak for years! (sulks in corner)

Tay: Kisame, I think you need'a talk to Neji 'bout underpants.

Daisy: (runs in) UNDERPANTS! (runs out)

Neji: (runs in) WHERE IS SHE!

Tay: (throws Kisame) CATCH!

Neji: (splat)

Kisame: OOWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Tay: Well then. (walks to Itachi in corner) Itachi, all ya' hav'ta do is say SORRY to Kisame for being so stupid.

Itachi: I'M NOT STUPID! (emo tears)

Tay: Cry me a river!

Tay fanboys: (cry)

Tay: (bazookafies fanboys)

Tay fanboy #tay: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK SHE BAZOOKAFIERDDMEHOMFGLOLLLLZZZZ! (burns happily)

Tay: Oh the irony!

Kisame: (drops out of Itachi's pantleg) I'M BACK!

Itachi: How long have you been up there!

Kisame: Long enough, you girl.

Itachi: (freaks out) MY SECRET!

Tay: TOO MUCH INFORMATION THANK YOU! (hides ears)

Kisame: Gosh I can't believe you have a--

Itachi fangirls: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Itachi fangirl #4: Well, I can always be a lesbian! (happy face like this :D)

Other Itachi fangirls: ...WITCH! (burn)

Lady Inari: (bursts through door) TIME'S UP! (drags Itachi and Kisame out)

Tay: Ah--! ...Oh, nevermind.

Tay fanboys: OM--

Tay: (bazookafies)

-------------------------

yaaaaaaay another chapter up, another mystery solved! -nod nod- to the mystery machine, gang!

-scrambles-

thank you EEEVVVVVEEEEEEERYOOOONEEEE for stickin' with me through this! ;o; i know y'all were tired of waiting, so i tried to smoosh something up for you to enjoy. and i'm aware that this one may be a tad shorter than the others, but that's 'cos i'm out of ideas for now and i need'a take some medicine to keep my head straight. 8D i'm all gooshy right now from my stomach being like:

BRRLLOPHIMAKLOMMP!

lalala!

and i really wanna take time to thank those who went to lookit my art. :) you all make me so very happy. so very very happy beyond belief for your happy comments 'bout it. I LUFF YOU GUYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

now all everyone needs to do is go to youtube like i explained at the beginning of the chapter. -nod nod- pretty please; i need someone to talk to about d. gray-man stuffs! ;.;


End file.
